AJS 350

The crack was pretty good. And the bike wasn't bad either. The girlfriend's uncle had an AJS 350 thumper stashed in his garden shed. He was a bit of an old goat, all the girlfriend had to do was turn up braless in a tight tee-shirt and he would give in to her every whim. Thus for a measly 600 quid did I gain the seat of a bike that was basically as it came out of the factory - plus 30-odd years worth of wear and corrosion. The starting had me short of breath, sharp pains screaming in my spine. Amusing was the first time the hefty kickstart snapped back and did in my shin. The old goat looked like I'd made his day whilst the girl scowled like we were into a thirty year marriage.

The engine made a terrible din. The engine not the exhaust, which had the kind of meaty growl that sent old-timers weak at the knees. The valves rattled, the piston slapped and even the carb vented its anger with a chortling noise. The fast loosening bolts joined in with their own chorus. We struggled on to the sagging seat and I tried to sort my feet out - the gearchange was on the wrong side and worked the wrong way around. Very confusing!

The clutch lever seemed seized but after nearly breaking my hand I managed to pull the lever back and knock the gear lever into first. The bike leapt a foot forward and stalled dead. I was told I should've freed the clutch before starting the engine. I had visions of doing a partial engine strip down but, no, this just involved pulling in the clutch lever and giving the mill a few kicks, wiping excess oil off the plates thus removing the clutch drag. The carb also needed to be tickled, which was a case of depressing a small button until fuel ran out over its casing. All very curious and quaint but you had to get everything right else you'd end up knackered trying to attain forward motion.

Once I had her rolling in first gear I felt a bit more relaxed. True, some effort was needed on the bars to stop her going way off line - nothing to do with the chassis, which was tautly efficient even by modern standards, just the way the thumper vibes shook everything. By the time I was up to third the bike had smoothed out a bit, thrumming along at 50mph without much mechanical violence. Into fourth (top) gear and 60mph, the world was actually a pretty pleasant place if the noisy motor was ignored. Even the exhaust bark had mellowed out a bit, more likely to achieve a wave from a British bike fan than a booking from the plod.

The latter would doubtless have been amused to find that the rear light/numberplate assembly had disappeared along the route home. Backtracking found only a bit of crushed black metal that might or might not have been the missing item. Don't know if it was the rust or vibration that did for it, or a combination of the two. Finding authentic bits added up to almost a hundred notes so the local breaker was visited and some stuff off a CD175 bodged on; painted black it looked pretty authentic unless you were some kind of pernicious prick.

I soon decided that a bit customizing was in order. Higher bars, a cut down seat and a nice bright yellow paint job looked the business and almost gave the past owner a heart attack when he saw what I'd done. No sense of aesthetics, some people! He seemed particularly perturbed by the devil's head I'd attached to the cut down front mudguard, asking if it was legal. He was even less amused when I said I didn't give a toss - given his reputation he was a fine one to talk about legality!

These minor modifications well suited the minimal speed and decidedly laid back rate of acceleration. 90mph was the most I dared push the motor to but in reality there wasn't much point doing more than 75mph. It wasn't that there wasn't the power there - even with way too wide valve clearances and optimistic ignition timing, the engine would still happily hold illegal speeds - but that the basic, long stroke, thumper mill put out a fury of vibration that, on one memorable occasion, left me cross-eyed!

Its sweetest spot was dead on 65mph. 60 or 70mph there was a definite tremor in the bars and pegs but nothing that couldn't be ignored after a mild bit of practice. 75mph equated to harsh teeth rattling, 80mph to fillings falling out; 90mph was seriously detrimental to health. It also didn't like running below 20mph in top gear. The motor was standard with over 40,000 miles worth of wear on its original components, if the past owner's to be believed - as he was a lazy bastard it's probably true! A newly rebuilt one might be truly glorious but I doubt it.

I did all of 4000 miles on mine, in about six months. Had a few electrical problems and it needed constant spanner wielding but it was still together when I sold it at a nice profit - yes, I put it back to original spec and did a polishing and cleaning session. Many of the motor's noises went away when I did the valves and ignition timing but it never rustled with mechanical integrity.

Other weak spots included useless lights, dangerous brakes and suspension that would lock up over truly rotted roads, though the bike never came close to rolling off the road even in this perilous state. When I'd become used to the starting technique and the lack of speed I had a grand old time thumping along minor roads and generally blowing civilian's minds in town. The Viking helmet also had them confused! If you want a bit of individual biking at a reasonable price, look no further.

Steve Shantar