Despatches: The Good Hack Guide

Perhaps the most amazing thing about the despatch scene is the survival of the CX500. The last one made 15 years ago! It's not just the riders keeping them going against all the odds, there are still companies renting them out! It's one of those bikes that, once over its initial problems, could be kept going on a minimum of dosh and could be completely rebuilt every 75000 miles (less if the all important oil changes were missed).

Part of this is down to its mild state of tune, a mere 50 horses - about all you're ever going to need if hurtling through Central London; still sufficient for 90mph cruising. It's also narrower than things like GT550's - incredibly important in jam-packed traffic. The shaft drive's easily mastered and, thankfully, maintenance free, especially as most bikes will be running non-standard suspension by now rather than the wannabe pogo-stick stockers. Fuel is 50mpg, not brilliant for the lack of go but better than many DR hacks; it doesn't get any worse in heavy traffic or even when wringing the CX's neck.

Although the later Pro-link version has better dynamics than the twin-shocker, it's the latter that has emerged as the most useful DR hack - those Pro-link bushes can be a major hassle under despatch abuse and neglect; upgraded twin shocks (Hagon's are popular) making up for any theoretical lack of chassis integrity. Stock brakes would be in a terrible state by now but are either replaced by something newer or renovated throughout.

Mileage and age are meaningless terms with regards to CX500's. Knocking main bearings or big-ends, clattering camchain tensioners and burning out exhaust valves are all pretty obvious. If you're unlucky you will buy a bike with a blown water pump seal and a gearbox getting ready to explode! Snappy performance and lack of exhaust smoke are signs of an engine in good shape. The exhaust is quick rot, especially around the collector box - so much so that there are some bodges that are almost works of art. It's quite hard to upset the carburation with non-standard exhausts.

The CX looks and rides in a rather quirky manner, which can be made better or worse by renovation efforts. The oddest thing about the old heap is that after a few weeks the quirkiness is subsumed, an amazingly easy to ride bike emerges. Unlike fours, which always need some throttle effort, the vee-twin nature shines through and it's actually possible to rush around town in a rather relaxed frame of mind! All very hard to believe, but perhaps explaining why many DR's are still so enthusiastic about the breed.

Good ones cost anywhere between £500 and £1000; the clever riders do 20-30,000 miles and then move on to another in better condition, with minimal depreciation. In despatch speak, for all the potential downside, this is bargain basement time. CX's have usually been rebuilt several times, gone around the clock enough times to make BMW owners' green.

Another stalwart of the despatch game's the GT550 Kawasaki, along with its larger 750cc brother. These have also been around for a long time, the first one appearing just as the CX went out of production. This is sensible motorcycling personified - gaitered forks and shocks, shaft drive and a mere 56 horses. Five year old, or less, bikes shared the Zephyr's engine which had more midrange grunt. Many people prefer to live with the 750's extra torque despite its 500lbs, rather than screaming the smaller four everywhere, the engine upgrade in '93 going down well in despatch circles.

Where the CX is quirky, the GT550's just incredibly tough - some serviced bikes have gone around the clock twice without a rebuild! If you're just starting the despatch game and don't have much of a clue about which machine to buy, or how to check them out, then the GT550's the one where you're least likely to go wrong.

With its toughness, though, comes quite heavy handling, four cylinder width and a rather remote feel that can prove troublesome on wet roads - most people dump the OE tyres at the first opportunity! Most GT's run hefty crash-bars, quite capable of taking the side of a car off! Front end crashes can be quite expensive but there're loads of spares in breakers, quite possible to fit front ends off other Kawasaki's in the range, though the stock suspension can be turned up for a relatively taut ride.

Given its mild mien, consumable consumption can be quite heavy, though obviously, like the CX, the shaft drive doesn't need much attention. I know characters who go through tyres in less than 5000 miles, milder riding does improve that by 50%. Good grip being rather important in the DR hustle, a decent pair of Conti's are the name of the game. Brake pad wear, caliper rot and disc scoring are all chronic hassles on hard ridden examples. I know one guy who had a 120,000 mile old disc explode on him! Woke the ped's up, anyway.

Good GT's cost around £2000. The definition of good is one that hasn't been used for despatching and has less than 15000 miles on the clock. The bottom end of the market's around the £500 mark - anything from a well loved tourer with eighty thou on the clock to hard ridden hacks with twice that under their wheels. Both can still have a bit of life left in them. Some people try to sell high milers as prime meat - look for paint worn down to the metal along the side of the tank and scruffed panels. Even some good engines rattle a bit, more likely to find evidence of a shot engine in a worn out gearchange and jerky shaft. Even newish ones churn a bit at low revs but clean up after 3000rpm. It's quite possible to spend a grand on a bike that's ten years old, has less than 50,000 miles on the clock and has loads of life left. The same money can be blown on an old dog on its last legs. If the worst happens, hit the breakers for a newer engine, do the renovation shuffle.

That both the CX and GT are basic, old-fashioned motorcycles says a lot about the requirements of the DR game. Other popular fours include the XJ900, another shaftie with a reasonably tough motor that's brill on motorway drones (at least in later versions) and is another bike that can make it around the clock with some regular oil changes. Its smaller brothers, the XJ600 and 550 are also useful pieces of tackle - cheaper running costs, easier to throw through traffic, though often giving trouble by 50,000 miles.

Every now and again some flash bugger turns up on a hyper replica. The bike doesn't last long, not least because the riding position wrecks the rider's back. Though they are very fast through the traffic in a straight line, limited steering and excessive width make them difficult to hustle. Consumable wear and fuel's horrendous whilst the mildest of shunts can blow hundreds of quid in replacement plastic.

Having said all that, they have their uses for the long distance stuff, where motorway cruising is the main kick. The ability to blitz along at 130mph plus extremely useful. Thus there are things like CBR600's doing the rounds, the old ones cheap enough to take seriously. Heavy despatch abuse ruins their clutch, gearchange and camchain. They are expensive and complex engines to rebuild, few having made it past the 100,000 mile mark. At the lower end of the market there's also lots of dross that have been raced and seriously thrashed.

Oddly, the heavier and less reliable GPZ900 had a passing popularity amongst DR's who wanted to do long distance trips. Handling, comfort and relentless cruising ability were all good but under DR abuse it needed a 50,000 mile cylinder head rebuild. That said, many have done over 100,000 miles, some twice that! The early ('84 onwards) stuff goes for as little as £1500 but £2500 needed to buy something with serious life left, though not necessarily running stock suspension or brakes.

Another vaguely popular bike's the GSX600F, probably because it's cheap to buy and has the fearsome reliability reputation of the earlier GS/GSX series with few of their electrical problems. The latter compounded by DR abuse on earlier Suzuki fours. Also, 600 Diversions are worth a look as they are light, reliable and very cheap to buy even new from the shadow importers. Low mileage secondhand Divvies go down to as little as £2000.

As far as weight and power goes, the GPZ900's about the limit of what you'd want to experience in the DR game. At the other end of the scale, trailsters and Paris Dakar replicas are useful bits of kits. The main limitation is engine longevity and the amount of vibes put out - believe me, if you're doing a twelve hour day in the saddle, the last thing you need is some thumper buzzing the fillings out of your teeth. And with singles, as soon as a little wear gets into the mill the vibes come out in all their glory; a transformation that some journo from the glossies testing new stuff wouldn't believe.

These kind of bikes tend to be bought when there's nothing else available, ridden for a short while and off-loaded at the first opportunity. The cumulative neglect of this kind of life can ruin pristine bikes in about 25000 miles. A case in point was the old RS250 Honda - a machine almost perfectly equipped for despatch hacking in Central London. Smiles all round and loadsa money in the bank. Until 20,000 miles was on the clock, the engine completely shagged out. Mainly because there was a hard to access oil filter inside the engine that was usually ignored.

Some RS's still survive to this day. Not many, though. XBR500's were ruined in a similar mileage, this time from a wrecked top end sending bits around the engine. DR650's proved tougher at the price of finger numbing vibes once 30,000 miles was on the clock. XT600E's need a piston and rings every 30,000 miles but as long as this is done can be very useful hustles through Central London, once used to their rumbling ways. There are loads of XT spares in breakers because they have been around for so long. Expect to pay £500 to £1500 for any of these singles, the more you pay the longer the life that can be expected.

Yet another contender was the KLX650 thumper, a lovely blend of power, torque and minimal mass - somewhat spoilt by the way they were overpriced new. I had great fun charging one of these through Central London at a wicked pace. Rushed it up and along pavements, through pedestrian precincts and across the odd roundabout without the slightest worry. By the time 34000 miles was done, though, the bottom end was just starting to knock and I was quite relieved when someone nicked it. Figure £2000-2500 for something that hasn't yet been ruined by the despatch game.

Another way to look at DR hacks is to buy something cheap and cheerful, like a GN250 single, run it into the ground then buy another one, using what's left of the old one for spares. Keep doing this for long enough and sufficient bits will pile up to no longer need to buy a replacement; just keep rebuilding the old ones. GN's are ideal here because they just tend to wear out due to old age rather than have any particular chronic faults. They were cheap to buy new, there are plenty of decent examples on the used market for £500 to £800.

Like many cheap Jap commuters, chassis rot is a chronic problem but bits can be replaced cheaply via the breakers as and when they fall off. The bike trudges along rather than speeds but in Central London stop and go work this is no problem; some guys on big replicas have been embarrassed by push-bikes burning them off through the narrow traffic gaps let alone minor motorcycles! In heavy town work the one trick you need to do on bikes like the GN is change the oil every 500 miles - it really does go off quickly during town work, sometimes emulsifying; water not a very good lubricant!

Perhaps the ultimate small hack is the Honda C90. Once used to its nasty gearbox, it's possible to whiz through London traffic at a frenetic pace, swooping and diving through minimal gaps whilst spending the absolute minimum on fuel and consumables.

A 250cc hack of note is, of course, the venerable MZ ETZ 250. Made for hard work, it doesn't have a nice clutch for town work and the two-stroke mill can churn out huge amounts of pollutants, which drives both peds and plod crazy. The main point is their cheapness, both in purchase and rebuild costs. Few bikes can run for so long for so little dosh. Whether this is enough to overcome their problems is up to the individual owner but I'd give them a miss unless desperate for cheapish wheels. Make sure that the stock Pneumat tyres have been dumped!

One bike that I've always had some time for is the successor to the CX, the VT500 vee twin. Tougher than the CX (with the odd camchain tensioner and clutch going down around 50,000 miles), narrower and lighter it's one hassle in town was a slightly limited turning circle but easy enough to live with.

The VT's another relatively sensible motorcycle with reasonable running costs and no surfeit of power; more than adequate for town work, a bit pushed if you like illegal motorway speeding. Fuel's poor at around 45mpg (down to 35mpg when some heavy wear gets into the engine) but the rest of the consumable demise is reasonable enough, not likely to break the bank. I've run a couple of VT's to around 100,000 miles, with regular servicing (easy stuff) and managed to sell them on without a large loss. Expect to pay £1500 for the prime examples but as little as £800 will buy one with loads of life left in it.

As usual with Honda, no sooner had they made the definite DR hack than they stopped production. Its replacement was the NTV600 Revere, which was seen as too expensive and high tech (with its single-sided swinging arm) on introduction but when they slashed the price of the 650cc version, which had long been available in other markets, more interest was shown. The Revere turned out to be a tough old beast well suited to the DR game despite its obvious sophistication. It can take 60,000 miles of despatch hacking without any worries, some break through the 100,000 mile mark and keep on rolling. Beware, though, of the wheelie hoodlums as they can ruin the gearbox at around 50,000 miles.

Long-lived NTV's go down to £1500 but it's more sensible to pay around the two grand mark for something with a bit more life left in it. Quite a few ended up in breakers - the front forks built down to a price, bending into interesting shapes when they hit something. CBR600 kit fits without too much hammer work and improves both the handling and braking. Clutch, gearbox and cams the most likely areas of trouble.

There aren't any Italian or British bikes that can match such cheap sophistication and reliability. One optimistic soul turned up on a 600 Ducati Monster but was soon sidelined with an overheating engine and temperamental clutch. At one point he had to be physically restrained from taking a large hammer to it. Its finish after three months of winter work would've made the average Ducati enthusiast burst into tears. Another poor soul had lost his job and tried for glory on a 650 Laverda twin, which lasted about two weeks before the mill seized. Of the British stuff, the only bike to ever stay around for more than a month was an old Tiger 650 that didn't even leak oil but I haven't seen that around for ages.

No, with the exception of MZ's, the Japanese machinery dominates the despatch circuit, a reflection of their mechanical integrity - very few of them have anything else going for them! I did try the small is beautiful theory for a while, using a couple of 125cc commuters. Hoping that their mild running costs would be reflected in loads of profit.

Number One was a two year old Brazil made Honda CG125. The braking and lighting were straight out of the third world, its lack of stature encouraged the cagers to try to cut me up something chronic. They didn't like it when I kicked out at their cars!

It sort of bounced and waggled from pot-hole to pot-hole, completely destroying the bike's suspension and all the chassis bearings in about two months. The OHV 125cc motor was rattling and knocking with 19000 miles on the clock. In short, I'd completely destroyed the poor little thing but still managed to sell it for £300 - its 100mpg plus frugality meant I'd actually come out a little ahead of the game compared with running a big four. However it was so lacking in fun that I didn't want to repeat the experience.

Unfortunately, a year later circumstances conspired to make me give it another whirl on a GS125 Suzuki this time. This lasted for 25000 miles before it too was completely ruined, with a death-rattle from the camchain, heavy exhaust smoke and temperamental electrics. The suspension and chassis had a better build quality than the Honda and if I'd had any enthusiasm for the thing I could've cheaply renovated it via the breakers - enough learners crash these style of commuters for there to be a plentiful supply of decent engines.

Neither bike really had enough performance to keep the cages in their proper place and I felt quite vulnerable on them. That said, they are ideal for someone new to motorcycling and despatching who doesn't have the money to buy or run something bigger. CG's are quite popular on the DR learner circuit. Pay £500-800 for decent used stuff.

The kind of bike to move on to from that launch pad is one of the milder middleweight vertical twins - GS450, GS500, GPZ500S, CB500, etc. These have more than enough power, useful handling, cheapish running costs and can be found in reasonable nick on the private market. They all have their quirks, mind...

The GPZ500, for instance, managing to end up well rusted after its first winter and rattle its valves before 25000 miles was out. The GS twins fare better mechanically but wreck their chassis and electrics in short order - pot-holed London roads do serious damage to middleweight motorcycles. The CB500 has a better build quality than most but I know one DR who managed to fill the crankcases full of clutch bits. All of these bikes can do 50,000 miles, or more, if given regular oil changes and the odd bit of maintenance but a lot of DR's are so whacked out by the hours and crazy traffic that they don't want to bother with any kind of maintenance - hence chains that drag along the ground, oil spewing engines and a benign air of total neglect.

Few are the bikes that survive long under the combination of neglect and ruined roads. Some bikes go down with remarkable ease and rapidity - Kawasaki GPz305's, Honda Two-Fifty's, Yamaha SR250's and Suzuki GSX250's spring immediately to mind as bikes which are theoretically perfect for the Central London bop but in reality can be reduced to scrap metal in less than six months! Oddly, given their poor reputation, there are still many 250 Superdreams wheezing around Central London, doubtless doing a complete resurrection job every 50,000 miles, or so.

Another option's to go the grey import route - as long as the fast wearing consumables (including batteries and electrics in some instances!) are readily available this isn't a bad deal as most of the machinery is relatively low mileage. The fact that many look faded beyond their years doesn't really matter because they will soon be covered in crud and only rarely cleaned. The sane 250 and 400 fours proved extremely tough if in need of excessive throttle work to keep ahead of the game, but there are quite a lot of race replicas like the VFR400 and CBR400 which inspire with their general robustness. Expensive consumables (batteries that cost a hundred quid, etc) are somewhat off-putting.

The truth is you can get started in the DR game with anything, from the cheapest, plainest hack imaginable to the sleekest race replica. You don't even have to buy a bike as there are plenty of companies specialising in renting out sensible machines to DR's in Central London (though they can work out more expensive than buying bikes privately), which takes a load of hassle off the DR's shoulders.

If I was starting out again I'd probably go right back to basics with the almost indestructible Honda C90. But I'm not, so I won't!

Dick Lewis