I’m almost eleven years old now and I've done over the ton a few times. The rider I've got at the moment (I've had him for nearly three years) is the fifth one in my life; some garages are meant to last, as we say. I have to tell you when I got him he knew nothing about mechanics, so l thought I’d see what he was made of with the old crud in the carb — petrol pissing everywhere — can't ride me trick. This was the left-hand carb (I've got four of course, being a Z550A) which collects crap after a while if I'm left on my sidestand all the time.
He was pissed off alright — first big bike, spent his last penny on me and can't even ride me. It was a good lesson for him because he had to learn about asking advice Naturally, all you lot will have come across this problem before It was really funny to see him come into contact with different types of adviser. I tend to categorise you bikers into groups. There are the twiddlers, usually transported by RS250s, MZs or CX500s, who try to solve any problem with string, elastic and soap. You can hear them say things like you need to boil it, mate or I always put soap on my bearings.
Then there's the Mr Tefal type who have garages for pristine VX800s, BMWs or GTR1000s. They have a garage service their pride and joy, and they say things like, it's the pressure differential on the squish area... well, how much are new carbs on these old bikes?
Or, if you can't find anyone who knows what they're talking about that doesn't ask for money then there are always the Smirkers. They drive a toilet, usually a Jelly 2x4 because they grew out of riding or just got bored through over exposure. You find them answering the telephone at HP Never MotorWorld. They obviously know more than you about mechanics which is evident from their banter. 'Ha, ha ha, no offence mate, but Pratl....why don't you put a C50 drum on the front of your CBR600, all Honda brakes are standard fittings. Everybody does it... see ya mate”
I tried to educate my rider by breaking down outside the only decent bike shop in town hoping he'd take the hint. When that fails I just give him a few problems... start off with something simple like battery, tyre, clutch cable until he ends up having to learn through lack of money.
Admittedly, I was a bit soft on him at the start, I gave him 10,000 miles problem free to build up a bond so he wouldn’t flog me when more interesting things needed attention. You see, I'm the type of motorcycle that is usually picked up as a first time big bike, so you can’t be too careful about what rider you chose. Well, I mean, some of you out there aren’t too choosy about when you hit the laughing gas.
I always feel sorry for our little two stroke brethren who get mercilessly thrashed by young Malcolm (can't afford an XR3) Pratt and end up needing a piston and ring transplant every 10,000 miles. I thought I'd try to cultivate this present rider as he's a bit on the boring side (doesn't redline in every gear) which is great for me at my age. Thinking back on our last three years he's coming along. I got him in August '88 when I’d only done 26000 miles, the price was a bit insulting, under £600. That was down to my last bloke, though, he left me for a GSXR1100. Since then, this new one’s gone a bit mad doing me up.
He bought me a new Avon AM21 Roadrunner for the rear and an MT69E Pirelli Strada 325 for the front. I find them excellent footwear. The old A2 Roadrunner was a good tyre, I did 16000 miles with it and it started to rot before the tread went. The new Pirelli has a slightly wider profile and has lovely grip, it seems to match well with the rear Avon which has done 6000 miles and looks like new.
A new battery three years ago is still okay and cost him £20. My rider started to get a bit adventurous with a new Marshall Deeptone exhaust (£142) and S & B filters with Mikuni jet conversion (about £20). He seemed to find it quite easy to do, just try out new main jets under load and check the colour of the spark plugs — rich tea is right.
I had decided that it was time he bought me a new exhaust so I made like a low flying aircraft through Stow on the Wold by breaking the exhaust bracket weld. He didn't take the hint, though, because he got it welded again for £3. So then I blew a fist sized hole in the silencer. Of course, he tried to ix it with Milliput, evidently pleased with himself I took him for a blast just to show him that rock like Milliput is easy to blow out of an exhaust at 90mph. So having to fork out for the new exhaust anyway, he thought he might as well go in for the air filter conversion — the main reason for this was the hours spent getting the stock airbox on and off, which according to him is a complete Ind utter bastard.
Anyway, I was right of course, now l have a lovely power band and my petrol swigging is still 56-60mpg at anything up to 85mph. Above this it drops to 45-50mpg. He doesn't do more than 85-90 for long distances anyway, which is great for me because I can stretch my wheels a bit.
I've got him to do my valve clearances now by showing him how much it costs for a garage to do it; so I took him to buy some Draper vernier gauges If 30). Also, if he does it, I know he’ll do it right and he can keep the swapped shims which are over a quid each.
One of my pals, Wutu (a new GT550) has got a rider who's had probably unrivalled problems with camchains and on his owner's understandably paranoid advice my rider decided to change my hyvo camchain (£40) after 35000 miles —— there was nothing wrong with the old one but I'm not complaining and he learnt a bit through that experience.
Then he went and bought me chain and sprockets (£30), very nice — remember you oily lot, 'Lubers cheaper, grinders weepers,’ as we say. Then I got him to get me an £8 set of allen bolts for my engine which areeasier to undo and look good. EBC rear drum shoes and front pads are the business and last well over 10,000 miles (£16 for three pairs).
I was a bit naffed off one Xmas because he wanted me to go out in the cold so they could stuff themselves full of trifle; therefore knackered clutch cable (£6). Ha, ha.
Then we both got sick of a type of toilet driver who’d pull out without looking so I made up for the Xmas stunt by getting him a new £11 twin air horn; watch out for rug wearers. I tried to tell him that bleed nipples are like butter....anyway, his first experience of a breaker got me an as new Z1300 caliper (just swap the mounting brackets) for £15. Points (£8) and their condensers (£13) can be a dosh wasting experience for you riders, so I persuaded mine to send off for Boyer Bransden electronic ignition (£55); better petrol consumption and no pissing about setting the points.
One problem we had one October on the way back from the Outer Hebrides coming over Shap Fell on the M6 (Lake District), I‘d been drinking unleaded for the last few hundred miles around Scotland but suddenly over Shap I couldn't pull more than 60mph! l was a bit worried. I can usually hold my drink and I was well embarrassed being overtaken by skips (convertible Ladas) and Skodas with heated rear wine dows (to keep the drivers hands warm when pushing).
Anyway, my rider had heard that Kawasakis have finer mixture tolerances than other stock bikes and that with all that extra muck in Unleaded in place of lead, that this can lead to carb icing — I had to stop on a garage forecourt so he could remove my tank, I just had to vomit up that unleaded stuff. Everything was alright after I was tanked up with four star. I suspect some of you lot out there will have had similar experiences?
Speedwise, we're talking 112mph two up, before the new air filter and exhaust. He hasn't discovered my new turn of speed yet because before he tried me out I got him to learn about complete rebuilds, but that's another story.
Remember, ride carefully be cause a bike in hand is worth two in the bush, so we say.
V. (Lex Boyle)