Sabotage

Sabotage! No, I do not mean an old Black Sabbath album, I am referring to those pepple who can’t resist the temptation to fiddle with your bike when it is parked outside the pub, dole office or granny’s residence. In fact, bikes are vulnerable whenever they are out of sight. Examples range from petty vandalism, like tacks thrown on the road, through the potentially lethal, like disconnecting cables and hydraulic lines, to theft which is probably the ultimate sabotage.

These saboteurs, a sub-species of humanity with limited intelligence, have absolutely no capacity for seeing the consequences of their actions as such behaviour may result in the death or serious injury of their hapless victim. It is unfortunate that these dickheads have based their lifestyles on cheap biker novels of the early seventies written by ill-informed authors more interested in cheap sensationalism and an increased bank balance than truth or reality.

I have personal experience of vandalism and sabotage but not yet theft. Also, l have heard many other stories that may be apocryphal, which my ancient dictionary defines as of dubious authenticity, though these tales do serve to illustrate the point.

Vandalism goes hand in hand with sabotage, as the culprits are of the same mentality if not the very same people. A few years ago a Honda parked outside a black of flats near a football ground on a Saturday afternoon was vandalised by hooligans as part of their post match entertainment. These yobbos ran off when the owner appeared, though they had enough time to smash the lights and instruments. On another occasion, a GS550 parked outside a club late one night was comprehensively vandalised. Slashed tyres and seat, punctured tank plus sundry other damage, all very expensive to replace - a case of stand and deliver down at the local Jap spares dealer. There is suspicion that this was a personal vendetta rather than purely indiscriminate.

Everyone has their own personal anecdotes of misfortune on the road. I have fallen victim to tacks on the road, this incident was not as dangerous as it could have been, as l was already slowing down approaching a roundabout. A front tyre blow out is not recommended... one guy had the same thing happen to him at 90mph on a motorway and spent a long time in hospital recovering.

Another incident occurred after a party. I was riding home on my old Honda when l realised the brake did not work. This drum brake was not particularly efficient at the best of times, as I had found out when a car stopped suddenly and I didn't. Someone had slackened off the brake adjuster, luckily it was Sunday morning and there was little traffic around.

A more serious case caused a biker to go straight through some red lights. When he eventually managed to stop, he found that someone had tampered with the master cylinders, all hydraulic fluid had drained away. Along came police constable Jobsworth, more interested in the traffic offence than an act of criminal damage resulting in an impromptu display of figure of eight demolition racing. A Triumph chap was parked in town on a Saturday afternoon. When the owner returned he could not start his bike, not uncommon with Triumphs. Eventually, the fault was traced to the mixture screws which had been screwed right in, no fuel, no start. Not in itself dangerous, but nonetheless time wasting and annoying.

After a late night visit to a motorway service station, a bloke returned to his combo to find a total absence of HT leads. Obviously they did not decide to leave of their own accord, some human interference was required. Anyhow, a couple of lengths of spare wire were all that was required to get him home a few miles away. Probably the worst case I ever heard of concerns a bike parked outside a pub, offending no-one, though its owner may well have. Nuts from the rear spindle, chain adjusters and swinging arm spindle all disappeared. This is either sabotage or the most amazing coincidence. Nuts and bolts do fall off, but split pins do not vibrate loose. The bike was left in a highly dangerous condition with the rear wheel held in place only by the final drive chain and friction. The owner rode home wondering why the damn thing was handling so badly. He was lucky, he arrived without killing himself.

This all seems far too deliberate to have been done on the spur of the moment, someone definitely had a grudge against this character. I don't know what he’d done to cause aggravation but I know what he's doing now — four years!

There must be many other cases of sabotage happening on a regular basis throughout the country, if not the world. There are as many ways to fix a bike as there are cases, it’s been going on since the first internal combustion engine was invented and some clever sod went out and bought a bag of sugar. A can of Coke achieves the same effect as does pissing in the petrol tank... this once happened to a mate of mine, the fuel cap being nicked at the same time. When my mate eventually ground to a halt, along came the cops having noticed the rag stuffed in the top of the tank. One of the policemen remarked, ”That's a giant Molotov cocktail you’ve got there, sonny.” To cut a long story short, he was nicked, not for any motoring offences but for a quantity of illegal substances found on his person, eventually receiving a suspended sentence. After cleaning out the tank and carbs twice, the bike was running again. Some days later, he recognised his petrol cap on an identical bike, liberated it and then got his own back with a can of Coke! 

A parked A10 chop was set on fire outside a nightclub. This happened about ten years ago when not many custom bikes were on the streets. I think it was a case of jealousy, pure and simple. Someone without the financial resources and/or engineering expertise, thinking I haven't got one so you can’t either.

Not all that long ago I heard on the local TV news that a youth had been beaten up outside a certain pub. Immediately, l thought I knew what had happened and l was right. A trendy was caught fiddling with a bike, the irate owner and his mates reminded him he was late for his appointment in intensive care. Now this seems like natural justice but to sound a cautionary note, the boys in blue will not be very impressed. A friend of a friend returned to his car to find a gentleman attempting to break in, when challenged he pulled out a knife. The car owner was into some form of martial art and the apprehended thief came off worst in the ensuing scrap. Guess who was arrested?

People have tried many methods of preventing theft, the heavy chain and padlock being the most common, although this can be classed as an offensive weapon if you are stopped by a pompous and officious cop. Hidden cut-out switches are a good idea or just remove the main fuse. Chains don't prevent the determined thief with bolt cutters, as someone I know found recently when his Suzuki disappeared despite being chained to the railings. I know someone who had two bikes nicked within a year. One never to be seen again, the other found dumped in the canal after the joyriders had used all the fuel thrashing it up and down the tow path.

This situation leads to desperate measures being taken. One bloke got-so fed up, he came up with a rather nasty solution. lf a series of switches were not operated in the correct order a six inch sharpened spike came up through the seat. Wrecked 'em? I should say so. Trouble is, that after a good night at the pub you might just forget the correct procedure, nasty and painful not to mention embarrassing when you have to explain to the doctor in your local casualty department how you came by such unusual injuries
 
The perfect solution? No such thing exists. On the question of theft, chains can be cut, two fit men can pick up a bike and put it in a van in seconds. Chances are your bike will be broken, numbered parts dumped in the canal, before you even know it's gone. Be lucky and vigilant or have a bike that no one would want to steal, like a CZ. Vandals are small minded morons and there will always be people with that sort of mentality even if you bring back hanging, flogging or conscription. 

Sabotage caused quite a nasty accident for a trike riding acquaintance of mine. Someone removed a few nuts causing the axle to break loose while he was travelling, the handbrake was pulled on, the wheel locked up and he went careering across the road, crashing into an earth bank. Hospital treatment was required in the out-patient department. What makes sabotage likely is the fact that the trike had been MOT'd that morning.

This stupid behaviour has got to stop! Sabotage is something I would not do to my worst enemy (if it's your friends doing it you're really in trouble). I say to you out there — think what you are doing before someone gets killed. We don't want you riding bikes or coming anywhere near bikes, we have enough trouble with brainless bureaucrats and incompetent politicians. We don't need you buggering things up for the rest of us. Perhaps Islamic methods could be employed, a sort of hands-off policy!

Simon Morris