Bitzas

This story starts with a typical hundred quid hack. Yes a horrible old 250 Superdream that could just manage 70mph down a hill. It was followed everywhere by a two stroke pall of smoke, the forks were twisted and what was left of the silencers were half hanging off. Much to everyone’s shock it ran for 4700 miles without requiring any expense.
 
Then the engine started grinding out fierce vibes. It was so bad it was impossible to take the machine over 50mph and bits were shaking off. I was stopped by the police because the number plate had gone AWOL. The officer took one look at the machine and said, “Get that thing off the road, NOW!”

I didn’t have much choice really, by the time I’d done the 10 miles to my house the engine was stuck in second gear, dripping out overheated oil and pouring out a white noxious smoke. With a final screech the engine locked solid 400 yards from my palatial council property. I removed the chain by pulling it off the shagged rear sprocket and pushed it the remaining distance. There was no way I could leave it in the street, even in that condition it would have been stripped bare by the local scroungers.

On the grapevine I heard of a crashed XS250 for £50. I was down there pronto and the owner helped me push the heap home. The XS engine was fitted in the Superdream’s chassis with aid of a hacksaw, some alloy plate I had laying around and a lot of bodging. The chain didn’t exactly line up with the rear wheel but the transmission was so shagged that it didn’t seem to make much difference.

Any expectation I might have had of usable performance from the XS motor was dashed by the realisation that running on open carbs and pipes ruined the carburation. There was some power up to 3000rpm, then a huge gap to 6500rpm when it came in with terrible vibes only to tail off at 8000 revs. I had the choice of loitering along at 30mph or screaming everywhere at 80mph, suffering white: fingers and getting really paranoid about falling off.

That XS engine was obviously jinxed, for three weeks after the transplant I had my first crash for ages, into the side of a brand new Metro. I would have stopped in time but the gummed up front caliper seized solid at the worst possible moment. I landed on my head on his roof which left a large dent and split my cheapo crash hat.

I was a bit dazed, or more dazed than normal if the truth be said. The car owner, some kind of rugby player by the size of him, was not amused. He used my head as a punch bag until I lost consciousness. When I woke up the car had gone and the police and ambulance men were there.
 
I'm sure if my face hadn’t been so battered and bloodied the police would have arrested me for having a motorcycle in a dangerous condition. The frame and forks on the CB/XS were both bent. I would have used it like that but the frame was actually cracked! Another XS came along, this time a 400 with a seized engine and a lot of minor bits missing. The three machines were cannibalized to produce one. It was about 70% XS and the rest Superdream.

It didn’t seem to make much difference, it was still bloody dangerous to ride above 50mph, although the use of the 400’s exhaust and filter meant power delivery was a lot smoother. I did nearly 3000 miles on this one before I had a minor crash that bent the forks. I couldn’t find any XS bits so I used the front end off a 400 Superdream as I had decided I needed twin discs - I was getting a bit pissed off at not being able to pull up in time.
 
1500 miles later the XS engine seized up solid when I was thrashing it down the motorway. No, I don’t belong to any recovery services, so I had to push it illegally for four miles to the next exit. I was only 30 miles from home! I actually pushed the bike all the way back, right through the night and most of the next day. Incredible! I was completely dead to the world by the time I rolled up at my abode, muttering obscenities to myself to keep going.

It only seemed natural justice to put a CB250 Superdream engine in the XS chassis. It was even harder to fit the CB250 engine in the XS frame than vice versa. The bike looked well weird and felt very top heavy but it still worked after a fashion. All this might appear a lot of hassle but the engines only cost £25 to £50 because they were already well thrashed. There’s a whole subculture of hacks. 

Alf