Aprilia SR50

I hadn't ridden a bike of any description since I finished Uni some fifteen years previously and, if I'm honest, hadn't expected to again. Even hanging out with a mate who was potty about scooters didn't stir the long submerged urges to get back on two wheels. He was the sort who was always buying 'bargain' projects: "I've got this 1964 Lambretta, a proper bargain... it only cost £800 and it just needs X doing". Unfortunately, X never did get done - on any of them - and his garage rapidly filled up with these wrecks.

One day I went round and he was rearranging the scrap; outside the garage amongst all the, er, classics stood the quintessential teenage scrote's moped; an Aprilia SR50. This modern, potentially useful, device stuck out like a sore thumb amongst the decrepit wrecks he usually bought. When I enquired about it, he told me he'd bought it for pennies as it was stolen recovered and had planned to do it up and sell for profit. Fat chance I thought, and I was right - he'd bought another prehistoric shitter and the Aprilia was about to be lobbed in the trailer and consigned to the tip in order to make room.

The same afternoon the Aprilia was in my garage under inspection, much to the consternation of my good lady. I assured her this was just something to keep me entertained on the cold winter evenings, and that I had no intention of riding such a device, which was actually the truth. Tea was brewed, and I took stock of what I had. The front fairing was smashed to bits and the ignition lock screwed as you would expect, and the wankers who stole it had, bizarrely, painted the headlamp black. The exhaust was in holes and the battery was dead.

Even with a fresh battery it refused to start, so I took the carb off to clean it. I discovered the inlet rubber was split and the carb full of 2-stroke oil. These scooters have a separate tank, and it must have leaked down while it had been standing. Carb duly cleaned, time for round two - nothing, save for a few puffs of white smoke as it turned over. Carb off again, and out with the plug, which was swimming in oil. The cylinder was awash in the stuff... there was no way I was taking the engine out in order to drain it, so I tied a rope through the rear wheel and hung the machine up on its nose from one of the joists in the garage, and there it stayed for a week.

Round three... and success! It fired up and ran, albeit not very well. Even an exploratory mission to the end of the driveway and back revealed an almost total absence of power. Out came the compression tester and lo, it was knackered. Time to spend some money then. The local scooter tuning shop were very helpful - they sold me a 70cc big bore kit for not much more than a straight replacement, also they had a slightly damaged Tecnigas exhaust available at a decent discount plus the necessary re-jet for the carb. I also picked up a stiffer spring for the rear clutch, which improved take off but reduced the throttle to an on-off switch.

I found replacement fairings on Gumtree, and a cheapo aftermarket headlight came from eBay. The latter claimed to be a 30% improvement on the stock item, well all I can say is the original headlamp must have been bad if that was true. It was hilariously over-braked with discs at both ends, pads were only a tenner so I treated it to new ones. I attacked the odd-coloured panels with rattle cans, resulting in a pleasing yellow and black livery. In reference to this and the horrible NEEEEEEEEEEEEEE sound emitted by the Tecnigas, my good lady christened it the Angry Wasp.

The job completed, I took it for an MOT, which it passed without incident. Job done! Thing is, the plan changed a little at that point... having seen how cheap the insurance was (£80) and tax at £15 gave me the idea that I should run it for a little. You know, just for old time's sake. Just to see that it was OK to sell. You know. And thus the journey down the slippery slope began.

I started using it for work, and was amazed by the fact that I no longer had to sit in the traffic on the ring road. Even though my top speed was 40mph, I was getting everywhere faster than I ever had in the car. It cost pennies to run, and was actually quite reliable. In truth, the worst thing about it was that bloody awful noise, and scrotes revving their engines next to me at the lights, trying to get me to race them.

Its worst feature (apart from the noise) was the 'You've Just Run Out Of Fuel' light, which used to come on an precisely the same time and the engine cut out. Helpful. Otherwise, it was actually quite good for what it was. The brakes and handling were better than the fifties I remember from my youth - the same chassis was used for the 125cc model (which would have been a useful upgrade, but there were no such engines available while I had it). The lights were just as grim as the six volt snotters I used to ride, though... definitely not recommended for night time use.

I rode around on this device for a year, at which point I put it through another test and decided to sell. Not in accordance with the original plan, mind, but to fund the purchase of a 125. Would I have another one? No - it was too slow to satisfactorily navigate the hills around here, and did I mention it made a terrible noise? I will always remember it fondly, though - it got me back in the saddle again, and here I am fifteen years on still riding. It went to a biker who bought it for his son's 16th birthday - a rather more befitting owner - and I went off in search of my next ride. Onwards and upwards!

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