I bought it believing that, no matter what, it could not be as bad as my previous project (the Guzzi) and it wasn’t. But it was a mighty close thing! When you pick up a BMW for a couple of hundred quid and a 10 year old Mark 1 CX you can’t really expect much; but I got lots. Lots of rust, lots of missing parts, lots of clutch slip and lots of blue smoke.
The beast is a 1978 model, one previous owner (not the police) and an apparently genuine 40000 miles on the clock. Sounds good so far? Well, there is one citizen of Birmingham (we both know who you are), who honestly deserves to have his fingers broken for what he did to this machine. A Postman Pat fan, if the shade of red he had brush painted it was anything to go by. He had also had all the chrome parts, except for the handlebars and headlamp rim, powder coated red, Hammerited the engine and appeared to believe that bath sealant was a substitute for gaskets. That it ran at all was a miracle; oil like flat Guinness, valve clearance you could drive a bus through and a slipping clutch in top thanks to a glazed and warped plate, all added to the fun of discovery.
The first winter was spent making it roadworthy. It had new silencers, clutch plates, brake pads, fork seals and a rear tyre; plus a list of minor work too long to go into here. It was also sprayed black from aerosols - not a brilliant finish (what do you expect for three quid) but an improvement.
Once on the road, I was quietly impressed. The motor chucked out loads of torque yet was equally capable of high speed cruising, smoothly and in comfort. The gear change is the best BMW one I have encountered. Some are real rotters. This one is no rival to a modern Japanese, but selects positively and quietly. Initially, handling was at its best between 40 and 90mph - any less is heavy work with a 19" front tyre and very narrow handlebars. Above these speeds a gentle weave sets in that was most unnerving.
Switchgear is distinctly strange. I have got the hang of it now but still don’t like it. Fuel consumption is a so-so 50mpg. Roadholding is first class, crossing cats eyes and white lines has no effect whatsoever - a startling contrast to the CX, despite both bikes sporting Roadrunners. Belting through the countryside demonstrates the excellence of the handling (despite a frame so ancient as to feature a bolted up back end) after Marzocchi shocks and heavy duty fork springs were fitted. However, the BM’ only works well in corners if the line is worked out well in advance. Closing the throttle or, worse still, actually braking, has the machine running wide in a big way.
The real fly in the ointment was the blue smoke. Oil was disappearing at around 150mpp, so one Sunday morning I took the bike to bits. Talk about simple, the motor makes Meccano look high-tech. Even the tank can be left in place. It needed new exhaust valve guides and a pair of used pistons and barrels (£50). Gaskets were expensive at £9 a set just for the top end on one side. Oil consumption improved to 800mpp.
Tyre wear was moderate, the fuel range over 200 miles and the riding position first class. Mine has the old type squashy seat, much more comfortable than the later type with the ducktail, which look better but are rather hard and narrow. Mine is so good that passengers fall asleep and the better half pronounced it the most comfortable bike I’ve ever owned - don’t mention Supa 5s when she’s around!
The height and reach of the footrests are adjustable for both rider and passenger, though the rider's rests are slightly offset. I hadn’t even noticed this until a friend borrowed it one day and found having his feet offset and hidden under the carbs disconcerting. He also complained about the heavy, notchy throttle (a strangely complex device supposed to extend cable life). Oddly, he adapted to the switchgear straight away, something that took me weeks.
At the Stoke show I bought a new tank in original finish for £40, so I sprayed the guards and panels in a vaguely similar shade of blue and bought 800cc stickers. I sold the original tank at the Stafford Classic show for £25. I have never renewed the tax without registering a new colour. BMW parts are on the whole very reasonably priced with a copious supply of pattern and used parts. Air cleaners are £3.65, oil filter £4 and points £2,65. Fair enough, but don’t break the handlebar levers, they cost twelve quid each, and parts for the early ATE calipers are also high.
Someone once said in the UMG that these brakes are as much use as men’s tits (surely not - Ed). If anything he was being kind. Mine has twin discs, although some have only one (gulp) and could only be described as good by someone used to adrenalin-assisted MZ brakes. Thankfully the rear drum is excellent.
My next investment will be Goodridge hoses to replace the miles of rubber hose emerging from under the tank. The whole arrangement of these brakes is a major design aberration. The handlebar lever pulls a cable which operates a master cylinder under the tank, then rubber hydraulic lines to the fork lines, and finally a foot of metal pipe the calipers, which are similar in design to early Honda items.
Four days after rebuilding the motor I was pottering through a suburban area in the rush hour when a child of six pedalled his BMX cycle out of a drive straight under my wheels. Two hours of hysteria followed as police and ambulance were called, the child being unconscious. The police interviewed me, examined the bike and measured the road. A neighbour told them it was my fault as ‘little Richard’ couldn’t know I was coming because the motorbike was too quiet. Words fail me. The child was only concussed, and damage to the bike was slight thanks to the engine bars. The bicycle was destroyed, being so buckled it was of no further use to anyone except perhaps a circus.
What else? Well, the fuel taps leak incorrigibly, the Bing CV carbs don’t sing White Christmas but do go out of tune rapidly. If you are thinking of buying a BMW, allow for a set of vacuum gauges. Electrics are neat and effective. The batteries are huge though horribly expensive. The external pushrod tubes leak oil as do the totally inadequate cylinder base oil seals.
Before buying the R80 I tested an R45, which made the CX feel like a street racer - it was that slow. Also an ex-police R75/6 that had an appalling gearbox, and despite what we are told about police standards showed a chronic lack of maintenance. It had also covered 75000 miles and the, er, dealer wanted almost a grand for the thing.
After an eventful year with many hours spent in my lock-up garage I am well pleased with the R80. Certainly, it is not perfect, but it is a very effective roadster that was cheap to buy, affordable to run and almost comically easy to work on. The basic philosophy of an air cooled, pushrod twin of large capacity in a mild state of tune is as sound now as ever it was in the days of A10s and Dominators (very reassuring - Ed). With the more modern additions of shaft drive and reliable electrics, put simply, it does the job. I can think of nothing that could replace it, and, anyway, have become rather fond of its eccentricities, including the way it sways from side to side at tickover and picks my feet off the road as I pull away. And also, that it'll travel from Wolverhampton to Leeds in an hour and forty minutes and need no refuelling until it’s back in Wolverhampton.
Sure, Japan build faster 250s with better brakes and handling, but the last word goes to a lad pushing an E-reg Honda NS125 - "It’s all right for you, you can afford a BMW." I rode away reflecting on the time and work that had gone into the R80 and the fact that it cost me about half the price of his Honda.
Jon Everall