Whilst I agree that the majority of people have to be protected from their own foolishness and indeed I myself fall heavily into this category, I still believe that the average person should be allowed a certain freedom of choice. Every day we hear of new legislation concerning motorcycling. Some of the changes are sensible and others ill thought out - it’s these laws I'd like to comment on.
A great many people were caught out by the Great Visor Fiasco, not to mention the various dealers who were left with large stocks of the old visors on their shelves - no known suicides were reported but who knows? According to the new visor law you do not have to wear a visor at all, but if you do, it had better be one with the correct BS standard marking, otherwise a roadside beating and a term in the tower of London will ensue.
Many bikers could not obtain the new type for love no money up to six months after the law came into effect. It was whispered to me in a pub by a local blackguard who is also a scandalmonger and a writer of scurrilous verse that the police were unable to obtain the new visors and were obliged to ride their motorcycles with their visors removed to avoid breaking the law, and that at the end of their stint on the bikes their faces were covered with dead flies, grit and bird shit.
The helmet law is one that I’m not in complete agreement with. If a biker wants to ride around bare headed and risk splattering his few brains on the roadside that should be his own decision. Some of our ethnic minority biking brothers who have defied the helmet law were right to do so. One of them explained to me that he firmly believed that his turban would afford him greater head protection in the event of a crash than some of the helmets on offer. I was unable to agree with him as I have never worn a turban myself. But I could see his point.
The latest proposed nonsense is the compulsory fitting of leg shields. These devices were quite fashionable thirty years ago on BSA Bantams. I have always thought that crash bars were a useful device because they often saved the bike from damage. In the event of a skid or possible collision, I always find it prudent to jump off and save myself - it’s much easier to rebuild a bike than flesh and bone. I have survived many bikes in my 31 years of biking by my adherence to this practice. What leg shields are supposed to achieve other than keeping ones legs dry I do not know.
Future laws will probably include a sanity test before issuing a motorcycle licence to anyone. It would not surprise me to read that the wearing of seat belts on bikes will be compulsory in the future. Rumour has it that bikers who wear open faced helmets and smoke whilst riding will have to fit a handlebar mounted ashtray with the proper BS markings or risk castration, I was told by a biker who was so drunk that I could barely see him.
I have always liked my bikes to be like my women, naked. All this business of fairings, top boxes, panniers and heated handlebars is not to my liking at all. And any biker who has all this equipment on one machine should really give up, buy a car and have done with it. I can understand despatch riders using all this gear, but not the average biker.
Recently, I was waiting at a traffic light, and what glides up beside me but a fully dressed Goldwing with its fully dressed rider, resplendent in his very expensive leathers. The jacket alone probably cost more than my bike. I could not hear his engine but the noise from his stereo, which I understand is compulsory on all Goldwings, was causing serious ear damage to anyone within 15 feet of him. I noticed that he had a wire dangling from his helmet, which caused me to wonder if this was a device to recharge his head. I often lay awake at night wondering if you could pick up a Gold Wing if it fell over. Must be nearly as bad as buying a Harley and being burned off by someone on a cheapo 550.
Well, I don’t know how much longer they'll let me ride around on my CB500T (stop laughing) but I guess it’s up to all of us to enjoy ourselves as much as possible until they turn really nasty and I should stop laughing at people who spend thousands on bikes.
Wally Bodger
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