Suzuki X5

I thought something was wrong when the brother of one of my mates (a friend not a condom although some people have called him a prick) came up the path - he was in hospital, legs and arms injured, could I fetch the bike from the police and put it in my garage for a while? A while turned out to be ten months.

Four months after it’d first been placed in my garage, he recovered sufficiently to try to sell it for spares (the front wheel was cracked after it’d hit a kerb when he tried to avoid a Transit van) for £50. I offered him £15 plus some doors and that was how I became the proud owner of the X5.

I acquired a pair of X7 wheels from the breaker, but the X5 sprocket wouldn’t fit so I ended up with a lower top speed and fantastic acceleration. I fixed the cracked air filter box with Isopon and cleaned out the excrement (note, no four letter words). The forks proved troublesome, the first time they bottomed out they just stayed compressed. Had them straightened but the same trick happened - the insides of the forks were dented - rigid front ends are no fun.

Naturally, X7 forks won’t fit X5 yokes unless they're reamed out, but they did only cost £20 from the breakers. I also had to fix the oil leak from the nylon oil tank - a curious mixture of a piece from a four pint milk carton (applied with a hot screwdriver) and a patch from an inner tube glued in position with silicone gasket - this has lasted over a year to date.

I also found that the front tyre, rescued from the X5 front wheel, had an annoying habit of coming off the rim above 40mph - the wire bead had been damaged - I had to fit a used example for a fiver. It was also a terrible starter, needing at least five minutes of fiddling before it came to life, but once warm the two stroke twin started easily. New plugs didn’t help.

The bike’s been used as commuter every day on eight mile run. For long runs it’s not very economical to 40mpg, and cruising at steady 65mph produces lots of vibration - you can put the head back on a pint just picking it up after an hour's ride. On the whole, the X5's a pokey town burner and medium range tourer. I sold mine for £100 and reckon I more than had my money's worth out of it.

P. Flintoff