Idle Thoughts on Continental Touring

Have you ever wondered where football hooligans go in summer? Well, it would seem that the majority are found in the popular Med resorts such as Lloret and Benidorm, where they harass the local population and generally act like cretins. If you have sufficient funds and time for a summer holiday, and you seek an alternative to the above, then a Continental motorcycle tour may provide the answer.

There are several advantages to touring on the Continent as opposed to staying at home, the most obvious being the better weather; the general maxim being the further south you go the greater the chance of a rainless holiday. There are more subtle, albeit just as important, advantages though, not the least of these being the Continental attitude to bikes which is generally more conciliatory. You can ride up to a reasonably good hotel and stand in the reception soaking wet (well it does rain sometimes), and you won’t be looked upon as something worse than a goat dropping. In fact, you'll be welcomed and your bike garaged safely away for the night.

In my experience, the only person you'll find looking down his nose at you will be Caravan Kenneth from Penge, who, incidentally, is most likely to be found towing his poxy home from home at the head of a ten mile traffic jam. The other great advantage is that long winter nights can be spent planning routes, destinations, best ferry crossings and calculating how much duty free the bike can actually carry.

Almost any size or format of bike will do for Continental touring, but Aberdeen to St. Tropez, two up, on a C50 might be pushing things a little. The most important thing is to ensure that the bike is up to the task in hand before you leave, i.e. that the engine is not on its last legs, that the tyres are not bald, etc. It’s worth remembering that Europe is a relatively large place and, by British standards, sparsely populated, particularly France and Spain; while pushing a fully laden, clapped out CX500 for 25 miles might make for a healthy holiday it will almost certainly diminish its enjoyment.

Having got your bike to its optimum level of fitness, you'll have to prepare it to carry all your paraphernalia. How much you have to carry is really determined by the type and length of holiday you have planned but for the majority of us (read poor) camping is the order of the day.

There are basically two types of motorcycle luggage available - the soft throw-over/strap-on type and the horrendously expensive hard type. The latter looks the best and most of them can quickly be detached and carried like a suitcase. Krausers are the bench mark in pannier systems but are also very expensive and a new set may well cost more than your bike is worth. Unless you’re seriously into touring, soft luggage is a better bet, it usually has much the same capacity but is far cheaper, a pair of thow-over panniers costing around £25. .

Opportunist thieves can be deterred by threading a security cable through the luggage and bike frame, the serious thief will just steal the whole bike (particularly in Italy). Tank and saddle bags are also very effective and cheap. Rucksacks should be avoided unless you are really short of space and ore as they upset the centre of gravity and are a real bind to carry.

The ultimate luggage carrier is a trailer but you'll have to join the caravans and lorries in the slow lane, in addition to forking out lots of extra pennies for the privilege. Always test ride the heavily laden bike because at best it will feel weird and at worst it may handle so badly as to be dangerous. It is easier to relocate your luggage outside your front door than on a rain swept hard shoulder at 5am.

I will not discuss the various methods of crossing that oil tanker infested water which separates us from all things foreign, except to say that it’s possible for a bike and rider to cross the channel for around £25 if you use the special offer in MCN to book the crossing in advance.

Actually getting on and off the ferry (I have never been on a hovercraft) is pretty straightforward. The ship’s personnel will usually secure the bike to the bulkhead but if they are busy a length of greasy rope will be provided (former boy scouts and bondage enthusiasts come into their own on these occasions). There are also cushion like affairs to protect paintwork.

Most crossing are so short that sea sickness does not become a problem but if you are prone to mal de mer or the crossing is protracted and the weather inclement then various sea sickness potions are available. The main problem with these remedies is that they can make the recipient drowsy, especially if mixed with alcohol. A rider thus affected should not continue riding for longer than is absolutely necessary as the problem is often compounded by general fatigue and the unfamiliar driving environment and can lead to a premature end to your holiday. If you are going to be sick then it’s advisable to remove your full face helmet first.

France will be the country the majority of cross-channel hoppers encounter first, but thanks to the EEC, regulations are fairly uniform throughout Western Europe. The most important rule to remember is that Europeans, along with the rest of the uncivilised world, drive on the right, except for the Greeks who drive on whichever side of the road their fancy takes them. Once on the move, riding on the right comes fairly naturally, most accidents occur when a driver has stopped for a break or fuel and unthinkingly pulls out into the path of oncoming traffic. This can happen even after a couple of weeks of Continental riding.

The priorite a droite system is now all but defunct in France. This was a maniacal system of traffic control, thought up by the same person who invented French plumbing; the Gallic suicide arrangement meant that traffic approaching from the right had priority and could pull out in front of traffic on main roads, Fortunately, the French have now come to see the error of their ways but the old system no doubt still lingers somewhere in the depths of France.

Another vagary of French motor legislation is that headlights are required to be yellow, quite why no-one seems sure. If you ride with white lights then passing cars are likely to flash at you. You can yellow your lights by painting them with Amberlight, although I never bother, contrary to the manufacturers claim it does not come off easily, especially if you leave it three months before removal, Headlamps should be blanked off to prevent dazzle when using dipped beam unless you're riding a 6V MZ when no-one will notice.

Finally, we come to those guardians of law and order, the police. Generally, they seem much thinner on the ground than in Britain and it’s therefore easier to get away with indiscretions. Having said that, the foreign police often have the authority to impose on the spot fines and can be most unreasonable when you protest, the police invariably win arguments as being armed tends to strengthen their case

Also, be warned that the Belgian police are provided with Porsche 911s which may not be much of a match for a GSX 1100R but will certainly test most motorcycles of moderate disposition.

So there you have it. I’ve left out some of the really boring bits like insurance, and have probably left out some quite important info as well, but it was not my intention to be exhaustive. I do hope I’ve whetted your appetite for Continental touring and that you'll pack the ferries this coming summer and prove that you don’t need a 1000cc BMW to see Europe by bike.

Stephen Taylor