Loose Lines [Issue 8, Nov-Dec 1987]

In my far too infrequent excursions abroad and my subsequent reluctant return (if it were not for the UMG...) I find that the rate of decline and decay of this once great country continues apace. Only the other day did I return from purchasing my papers to find dubious characters tearing apart black refuge bags in the lane, looking for god knows what (and these were relatively young men), whilst a mere five minutes from whence I tap out these ramblings there are what I can only assume are ex-mental home patients who loiter outside the many decayed Victorian houses that have been split both horizontally and vertically into what are optimistically called bedsits, where the new breed of slum landlords charge via social security coffers extortionate rents.

A government caught up in industrial decline, massive unemployment, the general breakdown of law and order and widespread poverty could be expected to be so overwhelmed with work that they would have little time for relatively trivial matters... like persecuting motorcyclists, for instance (and tough shit if you object to me taking half a column to get into the subject matter of this magazine, these are weird times).

Not since the heady days of the early seventies when I was unlucky enough to be consigned to first an NSU Quickly and then forced to wear a crash helmet, have the powers that be taken such an interest in motorcycling. Such was the incompetence of that government that they had to pass another law to stop learners killing themselves on 60mph mopeds and only recently have they imposed a visor law that came into effect so suddenly that large numbers of police motorcyclists were forced to walk because the correct visors were just not available.

The latest horror stories in MCN concerning leg shields designed to absorb impact in a head on crash (but just what happens in any other kind of accident when it is usually expedient to leap clear of the bike...) is so far fetched that I can't conceive its implementation even in my most wild paranoid fantasies.

In fact, I think you will see that it is something of a red herring, so relieved will every one be when it's dropped that they will hardly mutter a murmur of discontent when something like compulsory fluorescent bright orange jackets are suggested as a way of helping near blind car drivers acknowledge our presence.

It is rather unfortunate for the image of a Conservative government that promotes freedom, self responsibility and individuality that they have been in power on every occasion when ridiculous laws have been imposed on motorcyclists (I'm willing to be corrected on this but can't think of any laws effected by a Labour government), and it is surely quite ridiculous that there are whole departments of civil servants who have devoted their lives to dreaming up ways of curtailing the numbers of motorcyclists on the road.

But much more serious, and not merely restricted to bikers (just look at car drivers forced to wear seat belts), the multitude of silly laws (laws which like the crash helmet law make people stop acting in a way that harms no-one other than themselves) brings laws, like murder, mugging and robbery, into disrepute. Not only are their conception a complete waste of human talent and energy, their implementation encourages disregard for the fundamental laws on which society is based. Thus does the petty mindedness, fear and jealousy of our bureaucrats destroy the very things they hold dear.

Not that I give a shit any more. You can join MAG, the BMF and write a letter a day to your MP and it won't make one bit of difference. Any sane, sensible person would, for instance, accept a reasonable compromise on the crash helmet issue - force learners (who are most at risk) to wear them and let people who pass their test make their own mind up, but I've found many people are happy to accept this law because they just don't have the guts or faith to ride without a lid, and now they can hide behind the law. Suggest such a solution to your local MP or non-motorcyclist and all they will do is laugh.

The most effective way to curtail motorcycling (besides making it extremely expensive) is to make motorcyclists look very silly (Raleigh Runabouts, crash helmets, etc). Up to now, it hasn't been too effective, but when you see Harleys being ridden by Hells Angels wearing bright orange jackets you'll know it's time to buy a one way ticket to Bangkok.

Bill Fowler