Malone interviews a dealer

This interview took place over a pleasant afternoon in the heart of a run down inner city area of Cockroach City. For fairly obvious reasons the dealer can't be named. The business is situated on a main street, consists of one shop unit and is a mixture of breaker and seller of cheap motorcycles.

Malone How did you get into the motorcycle business?

Dealer: I started five years ago, buying and selling bikes from home. This place is owned by a friend and the chance to take it occurred two years ago. I only pay £25 a week, it was too good a chance to miss.

Malone: What training did you have? (He shrugs shoulders and laughs). Well, do you provide training for your staff?

Dealer: They're YTS kids. I take on three. They're keen on bikes, but beyond that they have to pick things up as they go along.

Malone: Do customers ever complain?

Dealer: Servicing ain't really our thing. We strip bikes or make up a good bike from a couple of crashed ones. Or we buy a bike that needs tidying.

Malone: Yes, but do customers complain?

Dealer: We get the odd wanker who comes back with a seized engine or something.

Malone: What do you tell them?

Dealer: Er, we usually blame them. Tell 'em they forgot to put oil in, something like that.

Malone: If they keep complaining?

Dealer: There's Fred....

Malone: Fred? (Nods head at rabid looking dog that had to be chained up to stop it attacking me.)

Dealer: We've had the Bill here a couple of times, but they don't really give a shit. I've had to go to court two times since I've been here - I lost one and won the other.

Malone: Let's be honest, you don't give a shit about the customers, are there any effective laws that can stop you operating?

Dealer: Listen, I sell bikes at less than the cost in a private sale, my margins are so low that I can't operate like that.

Malone: Yes, but is there any way disgruntled customers can stop you ripping them off?

Dealer: No way...

Malone: OK, how do you get your bikes?

Dealer: About half from punters who come to the shop and half from insurance companies.

Malone: Where did that X reg GS550 come from? (The GS looks like it's done 50000 miles, castings a mixture of white corrosion and dirty oil; the cycle parts faded, dented and rusted.)

Dealer: Bought it two days ago from some dispatcher.

Malone: How much did it cost?

Dealer: £150

Malone: What will you do to it?

Dealer: One of the kids will spend a day cleaning it up. We've half a dozen GS clocks... the engine runs OK, they're strong motors, we won't touch that. Maybe put thick oil in to quiet it down a bit.

Malone: How much do you expect to get for it?

Dealer: £500 if I sell it out of the shop, a bit less if I sell to another dealer...

Malone: Which dealers do you sell to?

Dealer: You'll be surprised, big high street names. Something like the GS I can turn round in a few days - easy money.

Malone Name one.

Dealer: No way, but you'll be surprised. (I name one well known chain, who once tried to rip me off on a HP deal. He laughs and pours us another cup of tea.)

Malone: How do you get your insurance bikes?

Dealer: I buy direct from one company. A few from a middleman who usually buys cars.

Malone: Some breakers can't buy direct, how did you manage it?

(He rubs his fingers together.) Do you mean you pay a back hander?

Dealer: No comment.

Malone: Off the record?

Dealer: Let's just say to get the good bikes you have to be nice to the people.

Malone: Some breakers I know are always complaining that they can't buy the big stuff, any comment?

Dealer: I can get any bike I want, but it takes too long to sell the expensive stuff... too much money tied up.

Malone: What's the great secret then?

Dealer: It's the blokes you know, the right contacts.

Malone: And being nice to them?

Dealer: Sure.

Malone: How much did you pay for the crashed CBX550? (A three year old bike with the front forks slightly bent and some cosmetic damage.)

Dealer: £175, I think.

Malone: That's cheap, isn't it?

Dealer: It's about right.

Malone: What about the log book?

Dealer: I have to send off to Swansea for that one, sometimes they come with them.

Malone: Can you tell from the log-book that it's been in a crash?

Dealer: No, just the owners name.

Malone: I find that incredible, it would be so easy for Swansea to mark the log-book...

Dealer: Don't say things like that...

Malone: How much will it cost to make the CBX roadworthy?

Dealer: Forks a fiver, the other bits off the shelf. Half a days work.

Malone: How do you feel about letting someone ride a crashed bike on the road?

Dealer: Let the buyer beware...

Malone: What if straightened forks snap?

Dealer: Doesn't happen...

Malone: Bullshit.

Dealer: No-one's come back.

Malone: They probably weren't in any shape...

Dealer: No way, it doesn't happen.

Malone: It's the same as bending a paper clip back and forth - it'll break after a few attempts.

Dealer: Look, the people who straighten them say they're OK. That's good enough for me.

Malone: If it did happen, would you lose any sleep?

Dealer: It won't happen. OK?

Malone: Do you sell crashed bikes into dealers?

Dealer: Sure, it's not my responsibility then. No come back.

Malone: Do you tell the dealers they're crashed?

Dealer: Not outright, but they must guess. They know how I work. If I told ‘em, they might not take them.

Malone: In a big dealer, how many bikes do you think are crashed, how many lash-ups, how many genuine?

Dealer Depends on the shop.

Malone Well, your biggest customer?

Dealer Nearly all from places like this

Malone: Come on...

Dealer: They're bigger crooks than I am.

Malone: Who are they?

Dealer: No way. You print that and I'm out of business.

Malone: Are there any dealers who won't take crashed stuff?

Dealer: Yeah, but they don't make much money.

Malone: What percentage?

Dealer: ‘round here, 'bout a quarter. Out of this shit hole, probably much higher.

Malone: What do you think of the UMG?

Dealer: Ha, I like the style, but the prices are too low. It's a bit different. Hard to say, really. I'd be happier if it was full of ads.

Malone: Why?

Dealer: There's no constraint, you bastards can print what you like without worrying over losing money.

Malone: Why are you letting me interview you?

Dealer: I dunno, it seemed like a good idea....we're the new heroes, you know?

Malone: The new, er, heroes?

Dealer: Sure, we're the new Capitalists, Maggie's Boys...

Malone: Come on...

Dealer: No, we don't want shit, we don't pay tax, we don't take any handouts, we make money anyway we can.

Malone: And nothing else matters?

Dealer: Sure...

Malone: What about stolen...

Dealer: No way.

Malone: What?

Dealer: No way I'm going to talk about that.

Malone: Why?

Dealer: I'm not that crazy.

Malone: Off the record?

Dealer: No way.

Malone: Do the police come to check up on the bikes?

Dealer: Nah, they're OK.

Malone: They must check occasionally?

Dealer: Once or twice a year.

Malone: Do you have any advanced warning?

Dealer: Sorry?

Malone: Do you know when they're going to come?

Dealer: No way.

Malone: Do you ever sell bikes from home?

Dealer: A few.

Malone: How many in one week?

Dealer: Three, four.

Malone: Why not sell through the shop?

Dealer: They're ones that are too much trouble. Too much come back.

Malone: How bad are they?

Dealer: Look, I told you before it's buyer beware. It's a tough world...

Malone: Yeah, but what about some kid who's saved all his dole money to buy his first bike?

Dealer: If I thought like that, I'd be on the dole myself.

Malone: Don't they ever come back?

Dealer: Yeah, one cunt brought his whole family.

Malone: What happened?

Dealer: I took the bike back; they were bloody huge buggers. Not worth the trouble. I can always split the bike.

Malone: You can't lose?

Dealer: Sure, the money I pay for a bike, I can't lose.

Malone: No risk?

Dealer: Only time.

Malone: Will you keep going until you retire?

Dealer: No way, another year and I'm finished.

Malone: Why?

Dealer: Too much hassle, when I've made enough I'm out.

Malone: How much do you make in a year?

Dealer: No comment.

Malone: Ten grand?

Dealer: Piss off, much more.

Malone: Double?

Dealer: Keep going.

Malone: Come on, you don't pay tax, you can't make thirty thou a year.

Dealer: That's nearer. It varies a bit, but I'd be happy with thirty.

Malone: Are you happy?

Dealer: Sure.