Loose Lines: Ramblings on survival in the dealer game [Mar/Apr '98]

It took more than a decade but a majority of the motorcycle dealers I used to happily, and anonymously, descend upon have now sussed out who I am. Perhaps one of these chaps had the wit to read the UMG and recognised me from the dealer antics which I take a great delight in revealing. And then circulated details of the Fowler appearance amongst his fraternity. I don’t know how they’ve done it - perhaps I’ve just been here too long - but more often than not my entrance to dealers, breakers and grey importers is met with scowls, mutterings and barely restrained violence. Rather than a desperate attempt to sell me something.

Even when I ain’t wearing my 23 year old leather jacket, with its suggestion of desperate poverty if not peculiar depravity. It’s not the end of the world. A regular trickle of disaster stories come into the UMG from readers...You know the kind of thing, the dealer serviced the brakes because of sticking calipers and a day later total braking failure occurred. The bike hit the side of a car, wrote off two vehicles and the dealer denies any knowledge of, or responsibility for, the deadly state of the brakes. Or, a few miles after the valves were done they burn out, which the dealer denies was anything to do with him and, no, he won't rebuild the thing for free. If it wasn’t so bloody dangerous you’d have to laugh!

Given the dreadful antics of many dealers (yeah, there are always exceptions, good chaps out there, but they usually don’t come cheap) it’s hardly surprising that the most maintenance modern bikes receive is the odd change of lubricant and its says a hell of a lot for the toughness of modern Japanese steeds that they can take such neglect for ten’s of thousands of miles before going into terminal decline. Give them a little bit of tender loving care, they should last for decades.

Their very toughness has made a lot of dealers obsolete - if you know a little bit about mechanics (basically which end of a spanner to use) hit MCN’s adverts, buy a new bike in a crate and save around 30% off the retail price. One industry pundit reckoned this was very dangerous - yeah, most likely to his profit margin! Remember all those old duffers who were screaming about grey imports not having indicator lenses, and other minor shit, that complied with UK or EEC reg's. They were rightly laughed at and totally ignored by the punters.

Better to buy a crated bike off someone who also sells them assembled - at least they have a fixed abode, some comeback if it turns out the bike in the crate isn’t quite what you expected! The most popular scam is to sell off a restricted replica as full power. There's also been the odd case of someone selling nearly new stuff as new. Tread with a little care, then! All kind of weird characters have suddenly appeared out of the woodwork, flogging high speed dreams on the cheap.

Think about it, though, that bike’s still coming all the way from Japan, suffering import taxes and VAT (around 30 percent), going through a distributor and a dealer on the Continent or in the States until it finally falls into the hands of a UK shadow importer. That’s five lots of snouts in the trough before you get the machinery into your hands!

Work back through the figures - a bike that retails for seven grand, costs five grand on the shadow circuit actually costs about £2500 out of the factory gates - probably half that the way multinational companies like to lose their profits through tax havens. It’s even worse at the lower end of the market, a four grand retail high tech 125 replica actually costs about £800 out of the factory. Even less if you take out all the bribes Japanese companies pay to stay in business! Of course, those figures can get better or worse depending on the state of the pound.

At some point one of the Japanese factories is going to get so desperate for serious business that they are going to have to abandon these absurd ways and sell directly from the factory - either through the press or over the internet - and if you add in shipping and taxes plus advertising costs that seven grand retail motorcycle works out at around £3500 delivered to your door. Servicing? Not needed, save for oil and filter, on a well designed modern motorcycle. Warranty? At half price you have to take a bit of a chance, which compared with nearly new bikes isn’t anything to worry over.

As many dealers in used bikes have found out. It’s mildly disturbing to turn up at a long established dealer only to find it replaced by a building society, boutique or massage parlour (the latter probably under the same management). Especially when motorcycle sales are in boom time - bear in mind if you’re tempted to enter the fray, that motorcycle sales are cyclical, bust always follows boom; very good timing needed to make serious money.
 
What happened to the dealers was that no-one would pay the absurd ticket prices for their used bikes when they could buy cheaper stuff brand new from the parallel importers. As the UMG’s been pointing out this divergence from reality for an awfully long time, it’s perhaps not surprising that the welcome mat is conspicuous by its absence when I turn up on their doorstep.

One dealer who bought, on credit, a lot of used greys off a UK middleman was caught out by the cheapness of the new stuff, went bust but then reappeared with the old stock in another premises. The middleman was given the usual sob story and went away empty handed...he wasn’t too amused when I innocently let drop that the dealer had relocated with his unpaid for motorcycles on sale at bargain basement prices. Oops!

People don’t want to look at the facts until it’s too late and it’s an absurdity that the UK’s one of the most expensive places in the world to buy new motorcycles - this is what happens when you let the Japanese decimate your home motorcycle industry, they feed off the carcass for decades until the greed finally blows up in their faces.

Even flash, upmarket dealers have been seriously undermined by the spate of cheap shadow imports. I used to wander into these places, swap insults with the salesmen, grin at the silly sticker prices and walk straight out not sure if I should laugh or cry. Even the most plush of dealers, who two years ago would deny absolutely any chance of a discount on their prime new tackle ('sell all we can get, can’t we, sir') are suddenly keen on offering decent deals. It’s either that or go bust.

Mostly gone, too, are the silly sticker prices on the used tackle, though they are still a long way from the deals to be found in the private market they at least bear a passing stab at reality. If you know absolutely nothing about bikes, I could almost recommend buying from a dealer! Almost - better to keep buying the UMG until you get a handle on the scene. Please!

One salesman had a lot of trouble explaining to a punter that the bike he'd bought two years ago for seven grand was now only worth three in a trade-in deal. Dealers are running scared, the buzz being that yet cheaper new bikes are going to leave them with used stock they can’t shift even at their reduced sticker prices. A mild expression of interest in a used CBR600 (where my identity still ain’t known) had a salesman coming over all desperate and he wouldn’t let me out of the showroom until he’d gone through all the special offers that would come with the deal...low HP, discount clothing (another area of outrageous overpricing), free servicing and gratis coffee for life if only I’d sign here, here and here. No, no and no.

If you’ve got the money and time, there are amazing deals on nearly new stuff in the private market but, sensibly or not, an awful lot of punters are coming up with the extra dosh for the brand new bikes. Which is fine, except that it doesn’t help the sales of the UMG any, which in turn means I’m stuck with the joys of some fascinating piece of motorcycle history. Either that or some laughable commuter. Should’ve kept my 1969 Honda CD175! Or gone along with the dealers in their absurd overpricing antics.

Bill Fowler