Sunday 28 February 2021

Cossacks

Imagine the scene - two fat German traffic cops are cruising around some Autobahn services looking for something or someone to pull. They find it...

"Mein Gott, Klaus, was ist das?" Klaus throws up his hands in horror at the sight of the maroon combo trying to look proud amongst the tight line of BeeEms and Japanese hardware. They clock the number. Englander, Ja! And settle down to wait.

Not for long, The young English couple walk out of the restaurant into the sunshine and stroll hand in hand over to the bikes. They put on Belstaffs, helmets and gloves.
Suddenly, Otto nudges Klaus; the girl is getting onto the outfit which is parked nose to the kerb and hemmed in on both sides.

"Of course, she's expecting the man to push her out," laughs Otto. "Or maybe she doesn't even notice the kerb chuckles Klaus. Suddenly, they are both choking and gasping on their Knackerwurst as the girl disappears leaving a neat space where the combo had been, and her man is following ‘her on his solo.


"What the... did you see... backwards," they sob. Yes, folks, before their very eyes the girl had kickstarted the bike, selected her gear and niftily reversed out of the space. A deft kick of the right foot and she's away in forward motion again.

Klaus and Otto can't stand this. They've got to have another look. It's really embarrassing being stopped by the cops just because they want to have a look at the bike. They couldn't speak any English so we were really scared that they were going to do us for something. Tim's silencer wasn't altogether silencing and we thought they had stopped us for that. No, they just wanted to know all about the bike and its clever tricks.

Have you guessed what it is yet? First one to get it right wins a Cossack 350, second wins two. And the prize is a clue of course, cos the amazing reversing bike is a Cossack 650, or to be precise a Dnepr.


My husband was riding a Ural (known to Mr Fowler and no-one else as a Urinal), which is also a 650 without the reverse (plus some differences), and we were heading towards Bonn to stay with some German friends. The Germans actually like these Russian machines for sidecar use because their law makes it impossible for them to fit a chair to any bike other than one that has been specially approved. The Cossacks are approved and what they like to do to them is to tear out the Russian engine to fit a BMW motor. Looks similar but behaves better. In German hands, anyway, because they can thrash the bollocks off the thing, and one thing a poor old Russian horizontal twin can't stand is being thrashed. Maybe that's why I get on so well with them, because I'm such a gentle person.

Tim and I owned a whole series of Russian bikes, starting with a Dnepr outfit in '76. We bought it purely because we wanted a sidecar and it was for sale at a price we could afford, which is probably how most Cossack owners first become acquainted with the marque.

After tidying up the Dnepr a little we blithely set off to tour the South of France. If we knew then what we know now we would have done more than a little tidying, but as it was we had no problems. Only four punctures, (Russian rubber isn't all that good wonder what they use in bed?) and lots of tinkering with carbs (the carbs aren't much cop either). The following year Tim took the bike as a solo overland to Morocco, accompanied by his brother on a Tiger 750. That time the only problem was suffering poor suspension, while the Triumph escaped unscathed apart from a blown fuse.

We sold the outfit because Tim wanted to try a Ural, which are more closely related to ancient BMWs (what a purist), and are the sort of thing the Rusky police are kitted out with. Soon after purchase (for a very modest sum), I thought my husband had left me, then occasionally I would hear noises from the shed to indicate that he was still there. What finally emerged was a beautiful red beastie that had been totally rebuilt. It earned the best solo bike award at the Cossacks owners club annual rally (don't laugh it's true). How did I show my appreciation? By dropping it on the way home. Luckily, no damage was done, but somehow I never felt very confident about riding it again (although one of my earlier bikes was a Tiger 650).

We went two-up on the Ural to Brittany for a holiday. The only problem was the incessant drizzle. One good memory is sitting at a pavement cafe watching the traffic come to a standstill in front of us. The jam caused by a bus driver slamming on his brakes so that he can hang out of the window to get a good look at the bike.
Everywhere we went a small group would invariably collect around the bike, arguments start over its origin and age. Most Urals imported into this country were built in the early seventies but look a good 30 years older.

It had to go. Sold to make way for other projects. I think we managed to own, albeit briefly for some of them, the whole range of Russian bikes. Tim was so pissed off with pushing a Voskhod 175 that he used for work, that he finally pushed it into the living room and put Xmas tree lights on it. Luckily, it was nearly Xmas, so the poor little bike earned its keep for a couple of weeks by jollying the place up.

Around the time our baby was born we were using a Jupiter 350 outfit, so from a very early age she was well wrapped up and tucked under my legs in the sidecar. We never knew whether she liked it or not because she always fell asleep. A friend of ours actually used his Ural outfit to take his wife to hospital to have her baby. She was booked in to be induced but after the ride she was in labour by the time she arrived at the hospital. Some of these bikes do have their uses. Of course, our friend knew his bike would get to the hospital in time because he had rebuilt it. And that seems to be the thing with Cossacks, they always need a rebuild - and so much depends on who rebuilt it in the past. Once done properly, and treated with love and care they positively flourish. Treated like any other old bike, and these gentle Russian ladies soon give up and have nervous breakdowns. Then the owners give up and it's another bike on the scrapheap.

Some Cossack owners stay with their bikes for years. One chap, for example, never fails to turn up to rallies on his Ural combo, complete with home-made wine. He sleeps in the sidecar under an awning. Other long term Cossack owners of my acquaintance are a varied bunch. There are solicitors, doctors, teachers, social workers, taxi drivers and a couple of engineers.
The new owner of our annual rally site tried to throw us off on the grounds that we were noisy, hairy, dirty motorcyclists. The above mentioned collective managed to out reason him.

The Cossacks are just as varied. One chap swears by his Voskhod that takes him to work every day, and others run Jupiter twins for ever. I rode one of the earliest Jupiters and it seized up every 20 miles. I soon got the hang of freeing it, cooling it (though not by my husband's method; women aren't designed for that). But the 650s are the ones to be reckoned with. If you're fed up with shiny chrome and and you fancy something a different a Cossack may be OK.

Miriam Knight

Saturday 27 February 2021

Malone interviews a dealer

This interview took place over a pleasant afternoon in the heart of a run down inner city area of Cockroach City. For fairly obvious reasons the dealer can't be named. The business is situated on a main street, consists of one shop unit and is a mixture of breaker and seller of cheap motorcycles.

Malone How did you get into the motorcycle business?


Dealer: I started five years ago, buying and selling bikes from home. This place is owned by a friend and the chance to take it occurred two years ago. I only pay £25 a week, it was too good a chance to miss.

Malone: What training did you have? (He shrugs shoulders and laughs). Well, do you provide training for your staff?


Dealer: They're YTS kids. I take on three. They're keen on bikes, but beyond that they have to pick things up as they go along.

Malone: Do customers ever complain?

Dealer: Servicing ain't really our thing. We strip bikes or make up a good bike from a couple of crashed ones. Or we buy a bike that needs tidying.


Malone: Yes, but do customers complain?

Dealer: We get the odd wanker who comes back with a seized engine or something.

Malone: What do you tell them?

Dealer: Er, we usually blame them. Tell 'em they forgot to put oil in, something like that.


Malone: If they keep complaining?

Dealer: There's Fred....


Malone: Fred? (Nods head at rabid looking dog that had to be chained up to stop it attacking me.)

Dealer: We've had the Bill here a couple of times, but they don't really give a shit. I've had to go to court two times since I've been here - I lost one and won the other.


Malone: Let's be honest, you don't give a shit about the customers, are there any effective laws that can stop you operating?

Dealer: Listen, I sell bikes at less than the cost in a private sale, my margins are so low that I can't operate like that.


Malone: Yes, but is there any way disgruntled customers can stop you ripping them off?


Dealer: No way...

Malone: OK, how do you get your bikes?

Dealer: About half from punters who come to the shop and half from insurance companies.


Malone: Where did that X reg GS550 come from? (The GS looks like it's done 50000 miles, castings a mixture of white corrosion and dirty oil; the cycle parts faded, dented and rusted.)

Dealer: Bought it two days ago from some dispatcher.

Malone: How much did it cost?


Dealer: £150

Malone: What will you do to it?

Dealer: One of the kids will spend a day cleaning it up. We've half a dozen GS clocks... the engine runs OK, they're strong motors, we won't touch that. Maybe put thick oil in to quiet it down a bit.

Malone: How much do you expect to get for it?


Dealer: £500 if I sell it out of the shop, a bit less if I sell to another dealer...

Malone: Which dealers do you sell to?

Dealer: You'll be surprised, big high street names. Something like the GS I can turn round in a few days - easy money.


Malone Name one.

Dealer: No way, but you'll be surprised. (I name one well known chain, who once tried to rip me off on a HP deal. He laughs and pours us another cup of tea.)


Malone: How do you get your insurance bikes?

Dealer: I buy direct from one company. A few from a middleman who usually buys cars.

Malone: Some breakers can't buy direct, how did you manage it?

(He rubs his fingers together.) Do you mean you pay a back hander?

Dealer: No comment.

Malone: Off the record?

Dealer: Let's just say to get the good bikes you have to be nice to the people.

Malone: Some breakers I know are always complaining that they can't buy the big stuff, any comment?

Dealer: I can get any bike I want, but it takes too long to sell the expensive stuff... too much money tied up.

Malone: What's the great secret then?

Dealer: It's the blokes you know, the right contacts.


Malone: And being nice to them?

Dealer: Sure.


Malone: How much did you pay for the crashed CBX550? (A three year old bike with the front forks slightly bent and some cosmetic damage.)


Dealer: £175, I think.


Malone: That's cheap, isn't it?


Dealer: It's about right.


Malone: What about the log book?

Dealer: I have to send off to Swansea for that one, sometimes they come with them.


Malone: Can you tell from the log-book that it's been in a crash?

Dealer: No, just the owners name.

Malone: I find that incredible, it would be so easy for Swansea to mark the log-book...


Dealer: Don't say things like that...

Malone: How much will it cost to make the CBX roadworthy?


Dealer: Forks a fiver, the other bits off the shelf. Half a days work.

Malone: How do you feel about letting someone ride a crashed bike on the road?

Dealer: Let the buyer beware...


Malone: What if straightened forks snap?

Dealer: Doesn't happen...


Malone: Bullshit.

Dealer: No-one's come back.


Malone: They probably weren't in any shape...

Dealer: No way, it doesn't happen.

Malone: It's the same as bending a paper clip back and forth - it'll break after a few attempts.

Dealer: Look, the people who straighten them say they're OK. That's good enough for me.

Malone: If it did happen, would you lose any sleep?

Dealer: It won't happen. OK?


Malone: Do you sell crashed bikes into dealers?

Dealer: Sure, it's not my responsibility then. No come back.


Malone: Do you tell the dealers they're crashed?

Dealer: Not outright, but they must guess. They know how I work. If I told ‘em, they might not take them.

Malone: In a big dealer, how many bikes do you think are crashed, how many lash-ups, how many genuine?

Dealer Depends on the shop.


Malone Well, your biggest customer?

Dealer Nearly all from places like this


Malone: Come on...


Dealer: They're bigger crooks than I am.

Malone: Who are they?

Dealer: No way. You print that and I'm out of business.


Malone: Are there any dealers who won't take crashed stuff?


Dealer: Yeah, but they don't make much money.


Malone: What percentage?


Dealer: ‘round here, 'bout a quarter. Out of this shit hole, probably much higher.

Malone: What do you think of the UMG?

Dealer: Ha, I like the style, but the prices are too low. It's a bit different. Hard to say, really. I'd be happier if it was full of ads.

Malone: Why?

Dealer: There's no constraint, you bastards can print what you like without worrying over losing money.

Malone: Why are you letting me interview you?

Dealer: I dunno, it seemed like a good idea....we're the new heroes, you know?

Malone: The new, er, heroes?


Dealer: Sure, we're the new Capitalists, Maggie's Boys...


Malone: Come on...

Dealer: No, we don't want shit, we don't pay tax, we don't take any handouts, we make money anyway we can.


Malone: And nothing else matters?

Dealer: Sure...

Malone: What about stolen...


Dealer: No way.

Malone: What?

Dealer: No way I'm going to talk about that.

Malone: Why?

Dealer: I'm not that crazy.


Malone: Off the record?


Dealer: No way.

Malone: Do the police come to check up on the bikes?


Dealer: Nah, they're OK.


Malone: They must check occasionally?

Dealer: Once or twice a year.


Malone: Do you have any advanced warning?


Dealer: Sorry?


Malone: Do you know when they're going to come?

Dealer: No way.

Malone: Do you ever sell bikes from home?

Dealer: A few.

Malone: How many in one week?


Dealer: Three, four.

Malone: Why not sell through the shop?

Dealer: They're ones that are too much trouble. Too much come back.

Malone: How bad are they?


Dealer: Look, I told you before it's buyer beware. It's a tough world...

Malone: Yeah, but what about some kid who's saved all his dole money to buy his first bike?

Dealer: If I thought like that, I'd be on the dole myself.


Malone: Don't they ever come back?

Dealer: Yeah, one cunt brought his whole family.

Malone: What happened?

Dealer: I took the bike back; they were bloody huge buggers. Not worth the trouble. I can always split the bike.

Malone: You can't lose?

Dealer: Sure, the money I pay for a bike, I can't lose.


Malone: No risk?

Dealer: Only time.

Malone: Will you keep going until you retire?

Dealer: No way, another year and I'm finished.


Malone: Why?

Dealer: Too much hassle, when I've made enough I'm out.


Malone: How much do you make in a year?

Dealer: No comment.


Malone: Ten grand?


Dealer: Piss off, much more.


Malone: Double?


Dealer: Keep going.


Malone: Come on, you don't pay tax, you can't make thirty thou a
year.

Dealer: That's nearer. It varies a bit, but I'd be happy with thirty.


Malone: Are you happy?


Dealer: Sure.


Loose Lines [Issue 8, Nov-Dec 1987]

In my far too infrequent excursions abroad and my subsequent reluctant return (if it were not for the UMG...) I find that the rate of decline and decay of this once great country continues apace. Only the other day did I return from purchasing my papers to find dubious characters tearing apart black refuge bags in the lane, looking for god knows what (and these were relatively young men), whilst a mere five minutes from whence I tap out these ramblings there are what I can only assume are ex-mental home patients who loiter outside the many decayed Victorian houses that have been split both horizontally and vertically into what are optimistically called bedsits, where the new breed of slum landlords charge via social security coffers extortionate rents.

A government caught up in industrial decline, massive unemployment, the general breakdown of law and order and widespread poverty could be expected to be so overwhelmed with work that they would have little time for relatively trivial matters... like persecuting motorcyclists, for instance (and tough shit if you object to me taking half a column to get into the subject matter of this magazine, these are weird times).

Not since the heady days of the early seventies when I was unlucky enough to be consigned to first an NSU Quickly and then forced to wear a crash helmet, have the powers that be taken such an interest in motorcycling. Such was the incompetence of that government that they had to pass another law to stop learners killing themselves on 60mph mopeds and only recently have they imposed a visor law that came into effect so suddenly that large numbers of police motorcyclists were forced to walk because the correct visors were just not available.


The latest horror stories in MCN concerning leg shields designed to absorb impact in a head on crash (but just what happens in any other kind of accident when it is usually expedient to leap clear of the bike...) is so far fetched that I can't conceive its implementation even in my most wild paranoid fantasies.


In fact, I think you will see that it is something of a red herring, so relieved will every one be when it's dropped that they will hardly mutter a murmur of discontent when something like compulsory fluorescent bright orange jackets are suggested as a way of helping near blind car drivers acknowledge our presence.


It is rather unfortunate for the image of a Conservative government that promotes freedom, self responsibility and individuality that they have been in power on every occasion when ridiculous laws have been imposed on motorcyclists (I'm willing to be corrected on this but can't think of any laws effected by a Labour government), and it is surely quite ridiculous that there are whole departments of civil servants who have devoted their lives to dreaming up ways of curtailing the numbers of motorcyclists on the road.


But much more serious, and not merely restricted to bikers (just look at car drivers forced to wear seat belts), the multitude of silly laws (laws which like the crash helmet law make people stop acting in a way that harms no-one other than themselves) brings laws, like murder, mugging and robbery, into disrepute. Not only are their conception a complete waste of human talent and energy, their implementation encourages disregard for the fundamental laws on which society is based. Thus does the petty mindedness, fear and jealousy of our bureaucrats destroy the very things they hold dear.

Not that I give a shit any more. You can join MAG, the BMF and write a letter a day to your MP and it won't make one bit of difference. Any sane, sensible person would, for instance, accept a reasonable compromise on the crash helmet issue - force learners (who are most at risk) to wear them and let people who pass their test make their own mind up, but I've found many people are happy to accept this law because they just don't have the guts or faith to ride without a lid, and now they can hide behind the law. Suggest such a solution to your local MP or non-motorcyclist and all they will do is laugh.

The most effective way to curtail motorcycling (besides making it extremely expensive) is to make motorcyclists look very silly (Raleigh Runabouts, crash helmets, etc). Up to now, it hasn't been too effective, but when you see Harleys being ridden by Hells Angels wearing bright orange jackets you'll know it's time to buy a one way ticket to Bangkok.


Bill Fowler


Friday 19 February 2021

Kawasaki KC100

The KC100 is a learner bike largely ignored for this purpose, the privilege being taken on by its larger, less reliable, 125 water-cooled brothers. However, I greatly enjoyed my time with it and derived great pleasure in watching MTX125s, RG125s and the like toppling over cones at the training school, due to their longer wheelbase, higher centre of gravity and helmsmen who concentrated more on who was looking at them than the actual riding - which may, perhaps, help explain the exorbitant insurance costs for us young ‘uns.

I bought the KC from a dealer for £200 in winter. The ignition timing was faulty - when it accelerated to 45mph it then slowed down. But this was immediately repaired free of charge. When I eventually rode off into the sunset for the first time it was into a particularly snow and slush laden one that at least allowed me to experience fast lane lunacy for the first time, though at an almost suicidal price. The bike screamed up to the dizzy precipice of 70mph but only for a few terrifying seconds to avoid a violent spontaneous combustion deep within the nether regions of the two stroke, disc valve, single cylinder motor.

Structurally, the cycle parts were tough apart from the centre stand which had fallen victim to metal fatigue and as a result, when ridden ferociously around bends and roundabouts, enough sparks were produced to ignite several more cylinders. It also survived several minor tumbles. The first occurred when displaying the bike's wheelie-ing prowess to a mate, who took ages to wrench himself from the ground after tolling around in hysterics watching me extract myself from a bush after the wheelie had gone out of control.

The second crash allowed revenge as the KC ploughed into the back of his Puch Maxi, writing off the entire back end, whilst we were trail riding in the middle of nowhere. The KC suffered a slightly bent indicator.


The mechanical nightmares were restricted to a carb which continually pissed out fuel and refused to idle, plus a rear wheel which was not only prone to locking up but also deflating and puncturing at the least convenient moments. The former was eventually cured by bending the float - the new Kawasaki float and needle being as bad as they claimed the pattern parts were, whilst the rear tyre was only replaced when it exploded. All in all, | got through four inner tubes, most puncturing when I levered the tyre back on the wheel.


Wheel lock-ups occurred especially when in the throes of downhill emergency stops, once when hoofing it down to Salisbury and again when returning from a motocross race - the KC wasn't taking part - which left me embedded on a roadside embankment on the extremely nasty bend near the Rock of Gibraltar pub.

Comfort-wise it was diabolical, unless you happen to be of garden gnome proportions. The footrests were too far forward, the handlebars too high and the seat little more than a hard plank, that hurt like a well placed kick after 40 miles. Appearance-wise it is hideous, even Goldwings look more like a motorcycle. The puny size is a virtue at purchase, when no-one else is interested, whilst the owner is likely to have used it as a cherished, dealer serviced commuter. Mine originated from an old man, with 9000 miles on it. Even I did not thrash it, cruising at 55mph when in retrospect sixty would have been easily attained at the loss of a quiet life and ones hearing.

I replaced the sprockets and chain at 12000 miles, putting on a rear sprocket with two extra teeth, which allowed wheelies around roundabouts when banked over - very hernia inducing. Eventually, I became so sick of its shape and colour that I transformed it into a classic - a vintage BSA look-a-like, or so, I thought. This cheap conversion involved a complete black respray, upturned handlebars and the seat replaced with a bicycle item - which, incidentally, swivelled when making rear observations.


This new look special improved street cred and top speed due to the improved aerodynamics. One of the bike’s greatest moments was when overtaking a mate on a CB100 around a country bend at top speed. We also raced a TS100 on a regular basis until it was crashed by a drunken acquaintance.


Touring was great fun. The chances of reaching the destination often seemed so slim that I felt like a heroic gladiator if I actually arrived. One journey it did not complete was to the bike show at the NEC. I came out with visions of racing at the TT after watching the video, but didn't get far thanks to a flat rear. Some kind soul gave me a kind of puncture repair sealer. This worked for ten miles, deflating on the motorway, forcing me to push it three miles to the nearest garage, 70 miles from home on a Sunday night.

An MZ rider stopped and tried to help but he chugged off after we couldn't work out a way to solve the problem. I kept pushing while swearing at myself for not giving into the RAC vultures as well at my new anti-scratch visor which had grooves in it nearly as deep as those on the rear tyre. Hordes of boy racers screamed past posing as much as their screaming exhausts allowed.
At the garage I struggled to remove the rear wheel and gave up when the torn tube came into view.

A large camouflaged chap (hardened long haul despatch rider with huge appetite for tea) who was filling up the six gallon tank of his Z1300, fell victim to my subtle question - where could I find a garage selling inner tubes? He immediately offered to take me home which was great fun, especially when keeled over on wet bends (I assumed 700lbs of hot metal tended to flatten femurs).


On one particular dual carriageway tailback, three unsuspecting kids got the fright of their lives when we rolled past with pilot roaring his head off - hysterical the whole way back. I gave him cake, tea and a bottle of wine for his generosity and sense of humour.


In short, the engine was super tough, the drum brakes useless, handling acceptable, appearance puny (the number plate dwarfing the rest of the bike), whilst the tyres never wore they just perished. After passing the test I sold it for £230 and bought a 45000 mile Honda RS250, which has proved great fun on early morning back lane, helmet-less, burn-ups. But the paranoia of potential arrest takes so much of ones concentration that harsh bends may result in modified hedgerows.

Bruce Jones

 

Suzuki GP100

When I started a new job some 20 miles from home, I realised that the time had come to acquire some transport. Not having a car licence, I had to look around for a learner bike, something I could get on the road straight away.

At the time, my knowledge of motorbikes was limited to the fact that most of them had two wheels, so to cover myself, I decided to buy from a dealer (yes, I was that green). I had read a motorcycle magazine (just the one) and had actually managed to find out one useful tip performance of 100s and 125s were similar but insurance for the former was a lot cheaper. Armed with this piece of knowledge I made the rounds of my local dealers, looking for something cheap. What I settled on in the end was a 1983 Suzuki GP100 which, as it was rather tatty, I managed to pick up for just over £300. It had just over 12000 miles on the clock.

Not being entirely stupid, I didn't attempt to ride it home straight away, but instead first had some practice in a local car park. Later events were to prove to me the wisdom of proper training courses, but for the moment I managed to get the bike reasonably under control, and set out for home.

About a mile up the road I got my first lesson in buying bikes, especially from dealers - check the petrol. Generous to a fault, the dealer had supplied just sufficient petrol to get me out of complaining range. Still, I thought, this should not be too much of a problem - these things have a reserve tank. One look at the fuel tap pointing squarely at the RES mark exhausted that possibility.

Fortunately, as a safety precaution, I had asked my brother to follow me home in his car. He ran me to a petrol station with his petrol can. But before we left I checked the level of the oil - this was getting low as well. The dealer had obviously spared no expense in preparing the bike.


With a full tank and some two stroke oil, I again set off for home. On the way, I noticed that the indicators wouldn't flash, they simply stayed on when the switch was operated. From: then on, I started giving hand signals, just in case.


By this time I was beginning to get the idea that the dealer wasn't very good. I hadn't even got the bike home and already things were beginning to look bad. Still, I hoped, it was only teething problems. The next day I returned the bike to the shop and asked them to sort out the indicators. When they heard there was a problem they apologised and offered to immediately put it right.... some chance. I had a great deal of trouble getting them to do anything. Finally, after a big argument I managed to get them to take the bike in for repair. By this stage, I was getting fed up with public transport and was happy when they announced that the bike was ready to be picked up. When I started the bike, everything appeared to work, including the indicators. I was finally on the road.


Three weeks later I was on the dual carriageway coming home from work, when I heard a loud bang and the rear wheel locked up, resulting in all sorts of interesting motions from the rear end. Fortunately, my desperate grab at the clutch lever saved me from any serious consequences, and I was able to coast to the edge of the road. The engine refused to start.


A despatch rider gave me a lift to a phone. Initially they sounded very happy to come out and collect the bike, no doubt thinking up some massive call-out fee, but they didn’t stay happy when I reminded them that the bike was still under their one month guarantee and I wasn't going to pay a penny.


Apparently, the piston had had collapsed. Several days later I collected rebuilt bike from the shop. I was told to run the bike in, which wasn't much given the distance I to travel. To be fair to the bike, I had no further trouble with the engine despite thrashing it frequently after it had been run in. The same could not be said for the indicators however, a day after guarantee expired the indicators stopped working. A bit of work on the wiring helped, but they never liked wet weather and I had to become adept at switching them and off.


The part of the bike that can bring a tear to the eyes of anyone who has ever owned a GP100 is the gearbox. This unit, I must admit, never quite gave up on me, but many times I've sat outside my house for ages trying to find neutral so I could park bike. I've also spent many an hour surrounded by bits of gearbox, trying to find the cause of the problem. I never succeeded, by the way, and had to conclude in the end that it was a basic design fault.


These grumbles aside, the Suzi is a great little bike even though it needs high revs to give any performance. The handling is predictable, although in some cases that means predictably bad, especially when the tyres are wearing thin. In the year that I had it, the GP only let me down once with the engine explosion. If it could be a bitch to start it never actually refused if you stuck at it for a while.


All in all, I would have kept it for a long time had not a Ford Escort written off the bike and left me in hospital for four days and off work for eight weeks. Ah, the pleasures of motorcycling!

Robert Morris

 

Suzuki X7

I discovered the joys of biking only three years ago (I'm now 31) when my Mini was sold for scrap and I needed some cheap transport. I knew nothing about bikes so I went for,a clean looking H100, one lady owner, 10000 miles, two years old and £300. As soon as I'd squashed my large head into her small helmet and received some elementary instruction from the girl, I was off. Luckily, it was a beautiful, sunny afternoon.

Soon, with the wind blowing through light cotton slacks and a heavy woollen crew neck, I could suddenly understand just why some friends had enthusiastically waxed lyrical about obscure and seemingly stupid things like Dunstalls, Rickmans and the wind blowing over their German helmets.


I soon applied to take the test (some people must make a lot of money from the training thing) and looked forward to getting on a bigger bike, partly as an ego trip but also because after three months of hard use the Honda's engine appeared to be about to die.

By now the UMG was available, armed with its information and price guide I managed to reduce the price of a Suzuki 250 X7 from an optimistic £250 to a sensible £110. The owner was a large, 18 year old skinhead who was stretching the bounds of plausibility when he said it only needed a new horn to get its MOT.

I was so fired up after the test ride I decided to take it, even though the right indicator lamp came on with the brake lamp, the tank had a messy paint job of a graveyard and the Allspeeds were shot, all of which would make it a firm favourite with the police.

I knew I was going to have problems as I stood next to it two days later, massaging the over used muscles of my right leg. In fact, trying to kickstart the bike from cold was almost impossible - bump starting on a long steep hill was often the only answer. I eventually worked out that the K&Ns had weakened the starting mixture, a few adjustments of the carbs had the bike starting in one or two kicks.

There was plenty of noise and acceleration up to about 85mph before the redline came into view. Encouraged by this, I sorted out the wiring and got the horn working after sticking in a new battery. I checked the bike over, then went 25 miles to the MOT centre in the next town as my own was ultra strict and wouldn't have passed the bike if I spent hundreds on it. The mechanic prescribed new exhausts and some other bits before he could pass it.


I ordered new Allspeeds from a mail order company, after selling the H100 to my local dealer for £150. Off to the MOT centre again - this time the back tyre was on the wrong way round, the headlamp loose and some other minor problems. The journey back was murder with heavy driving snow cutting visibility on the motorway.
I was screaming with the cold when I arrived home.


Anyway, I fixed the various problems and started the journey to the MOT centre again - third time lucky, I hoped. Leaving a roundabout for the motorway, I started to burn off a cheeky car driver when the revs went off the dial and the bike slowed down. I thought the chain must have snapped, but on the hard shoulder I could see it was OK. The gearbox drive sprocket had come off its shaft and I had to hire a van to get the bike back home.


The next trip was also a failure. On the fifth trip to the MOT centre I finally received the certificate - I sold the bike to a boy racer for £40, a Pioneer amplifier and a nice four year old Kawasaki Z200, which I later sold for £180. All's well that ends well.


John Hopkin

 

Thursday 18 February 2021

Honda CB100N

I purchased my ’84 vintage Honda CB100N in December last year (as an impoverished student with L plates) whilst perusing that well known hiding place of bargains - the darkest corner of my local Honda dealership. The bike had done only 5900 miles and was "in excellent condition having been owned by a careful, mature owner." With that description in mind, as I could hardly see the bike lurking in the gloom, I paid the £470 asking price and went home to await the delivery of my new steed (at least the delivery was free).

Several days later the dealer arrived, handed over the keys and scurried off on my trusty old QT50, merely pausing to tell me what a bargain I'd had! The dawn inspection the next day revealed the so-called excellent condition - the tank was dirty, the back wheel and tyre covered in oil, the seat had a slight tear and the engine was a mass of corroded alloy, with the chrome missing from the inspection covers - not a good first impression.


Attempting to start the machine did nothing to elevate my opinion of the bike (or the dealer) - several hundred kicks and a lot of sweat later the beast stuttered into life only to die again seconds later, the result of a flat battery on "this carefully serviced machine" The first ride was a different story. It revealed a smooth, quiet and fairly fast little machine which would pull almost 70mph (a pace which seemed almost death defying at the time) and accelerate fast enough to keep XRi drivers awake. All was not joy and rapture, however, the front disc brake didn’t and the gearbox locked solid - it required much rocking of the bike to free it if the bike was stopped in fourth or top, and, thanks to the pathetic battery, the engine stalled if the throttle wasn't blipped regularly.


On arriving home I set about righting the various wrongs encountered. The battery was charged, the seat patched up, the corrosion scrubbed off the engine with plenty of emery paper and elbow grease, a good finish being obtained with some Autosol. Several buckets of hot water and some washing-up liquid later and I had quite a decent little bike. Close scrutiny had revealed nothing mechanically wrong with the brake - some things you've got to live with.

The next 1800 miles passed without incident, then the engine began to tick over badly, the revs fluctuating between 1000 and 4000rpm, adjustment of the carb slide height had no effect on the engine’s habit of dying suddenly at higher road speeds. Examination of the throttle mechanism showed a frayed cable, but this had no effect and cost £7.15.

Close scrutiny of the carb showed what appeared to be a stuck pilot jet adjuster screw. Carb removal revealed a whole catalogue of disasters held together with mega-bodging. The pilot jet had been screwed into its housing with such force that the housing had cracked and the head had been chewed off the screw - how it worked at all is a mystery, especially in view of the chronically bent carb flange, ingeniously compensated for by two O-rings glued together. After I'd drilled out the pilot jet (replacement £6.10) and straightened the flange by rubbing it on a sharpening stone, the carb seemed to function properly and has lasted for 4000 miles.

By 8000 miles the original FVQ shocks were on their third stiffness setting and felt like they wouldn't last much longer, but 2000 miles later I'm still using them rather than spending £40 on pattern replacements. At 9500 miles the original Bridgestone rear tyre was replaced, after much swearing, struggling with a Pirelli Mandrake at a cost of £30. I hope all this doesn't paint too black a picture of the bike, reading over it does give the impression of a bit of a bad buy, but this isn't the case.

The CB100 is easy to ride - being light and very manoeuvrable, gives 90 to 100mpg and has a top speed of about 68mph. The bike is very reliable (if left alone by bodgers) and has never really let me down. The spark plugs last for a long time, chain wear is very light (mine's like new after 10000 miles), whilst tax and insurance are the lowest possible, mopeds excepted.

The riding position is good for both touring and town work, being fairly stretched out and upright, but the seat is not much use, causing bum ache on longer trips. The handling and general performance is good around town, even on A-roads its performance is reasonable - the bike encourages you to ride just for the kicks.


The bike only let me down once. It happened as I was travelling towards a roundabout at about sixty, pulled in the clutch lever to change down and the lever shot straight to the bars with no resistance - I was terrified but managed a clutchless change in time to get around the roundabout. I then headed for home right away, fearing that a snapped cable could leave me stranded 25 miles from civilization. It later turned out that the clutch adjuster had unscrewed itself due to the high frequency vibration - still, at least I learnt all about clutchless changes!


The engine type, a OHC single cylinder four stroke was first developed by Honda in the sixties, and has a long history of reliable service, second to none. The main thing with these engines is to change the oil as often as possible - some people do it at as little as 750 miles - the rest of the maintenance though straightforward, can be ignored with a great deal of impunity, even if that leads to lots of new rattles.


All in all, the CB100 is a good value bike if you ca get hold of a good ‘un and I would recommend one to anyone who was considering a cheap-to-run learner or commuter bike, or was just looking for a little fun on two wheels. Would I buy another? Well, not now, a full licence and a new job being strong incentives to look for a decent 350 powervalve...


D.J. Peppel

 

Wednesday 17 February 2021

Yamaha SR250E

My Yamaha Special was purchased from an enthusiast who was also selling a 1961 C15 BSA. Briefly torn between the two, I chose the Yam. £210 changed hands and the deal was done. W reg and 13000 miles, the bike looked and ran well.

Soon after, while on a jaunt, I thought I had been joined by a 500 Gold Star, such was the sudden increase in noise. A roadside check revealed the remains of a golden syrup tin Araldited over an enormous hole in the sub chamber of the exhaust. Situated, unprotected behind the rear wheel, it had been peppered with grit until a hole had been blasted in it. Groovy sound and lotsafun through small villages late at night. Yamaha replacement pipe £70 and a long wait.


After carrying a heavy friend the rear shocks blew out their oil, Girling gas shocks were worth every penny of their 44 notes. Thanks to the lack of nipples on the swinging arm, replacement bushes and spindle were needed at a cost of £25. These running costs are offset by the excellent economy. 85mpg average.


The SLS front brake is excellent and the original shoes lasted for 38000 miles. Tyres last for 20000 front and 10000 miles rear, although the 120/90x16 rear tyre is very difficult to find. If chains only last for ten grand the sprockets go for three times that amount.


The handling is ace up to 55mph and just about passable beyond that, although bend swinging is limited by ground clearance and long distance work by the riding position. But, then, I rarely take it much beyond 60mph (6000rpm in top), which helps both reliability and longevity.
Maintenance is pretty minimal, tappets and the like needing infrequent adjustment. Thousand mile oil changes are the order of the day.

Lack of kickstart worried me at first but the starter motor has presented no problems, always succeeding first touch of the button. The original battery gave up the ghost after seven years when I left the bike for three weeks. The tank badges cracked and fell off - the holes were filled and painted rather than pay Yamaha's ridiculous prices.


If you can put your prejudice against factory customs aside, then the SR emerges as a reliable and usable bike, one that I intend to keep for as long as possible. Perhaps, the C15 of its day?

Steve Plastow

 

Tuesday 16 February 2021

Kawasaki Z750

My Kawasaki 305 lay in my brother’s garage in Plymouth waiting for me to locate a set of wheels to replace the ones I smashed at Christmas trying to return to London in a fog. I kept kicking the Suzuki ER250, which had needed a rebore when I swapped it for two crashed LCs eight months ago. It had finally given in to the terminal dampness and zilch compression. It was February and had been snowing a lot.

I had gotten married four months ago and I think my wife was beginning to regard me as an embarrassment. But at the rate I was slinging bikes down the road it looked like a temporary arrangement. I was earning a crust as a despatch rider. I gave up with the ER and caught a train from Bromley into Victoria and then a tube to the West End. I staggered into the office, saw the one and only female DR, made enquiries about her spare bike, a 250 Wetdream.

I struck out, she’d already lent it to a friend. But while I was talking to her another DR overheard the conversation. He offered to sell his Kawasaki Z750 twin for any offers over £50. Over a coffee he told me why it was so cheap. It was in somebody’s yard, halfway between Luton, where he lived, and London. It had thrown its chain. Also, it was the kind of big twin where the vibration was so bad you couldn’t keep your feet on the foot pegs over 80mph. I said I would go to see the bike and he took me on the back of his other bike; I remember it was bitterly cold and there was a load of snow and ice about.

When we brushed the snow off I was surprised to see that the paint was in good order, apart from a ripped seat it looked pretty nice. It wouldn’t start because of a flat battery, but I managed to put the chain back on with the aid of a large hammer. I handed over £50 and took the battery home to charge it up.


The next day, after four hours spent on various trains, I put the battery back into the bike, plus some new plugs. It roared into life after the third kick, a loud blatting thunder out of the two into one exhaust that had a silencer that looked like a bit of sawn off drainpipe. I had feared the swinging arm bearings were shot, but they seemed OK. I was congratulating myself on finding a real bargain when it went onto one. I figured the carbs were choked up with trust from the petrol tank; after an hours cleaning we were off again.

I called into the office to announce that I was mobile. The controller gave me a few jobs. The first pick-up was around the corner. I zapped around there, picked up the job and came back outside to kick the beast into life. It wouldn’t start. The electric starter had long since died so I had to leap up and down on the kickstart. Nothing, sweat dripped off me in huge quantities. I slumped, gasping, over the bars. After about ten minutes I’d recovered. I gave it one last kick and it burst into life.

The next time I stopped the same thing happened. It just wouldn’t start when it was hot. Things started to get silly. A job in W1 would take half an hour - five minutes to do the job and 25 minutes to start the bike. My finances were in such a state that I couldn’t afford to put the bike into a dealers, so I tweaked the tickover up high and kept the bike running for most of the day.

Then, after the third day of ownership, I had just loaded up with six jobs and was off hacking around the West End, when I missed a gear, hitting neutral exiting a junction into Shaftesbury Avenue. I almost dropped it but managed to boot it into first and power the bike upright, the slide was a bit on the heavy side.


Things would have been alright had not the whole manoeuvre been observed by a couple of plod. One was an extremely nasty WPC who’d only just been set loose on the streets. I was pulled, showed my documents, which fortunately included a recently updated insurance to cover the Kwack. But then I was asked an embarrassing question... was this my machine? I had neither receipt nor log- book, so told them the truth - I’d bought the bike off a man named John who lived in Luton.

They decided they didn’t believe me and wanted me to accompany them to the station. I refused, saying I had loads of work on. Then I was arrested and they said they were calling for a van - the WPC said they’d managed to get a Honda 400 into the back of the van previously, as if she intended to make a career out of hassling innocent bikers. But I was quite interested to see how they got on with lifting the bulk of the Kawa into the van.

I phoned in to my controller to tell him the score. He sent another rider to pick up my work. This DR stopped some little way up the street so I had to walk over to him. I never made up my mind whether this was so I could leap on the back in a dash for freedom or because his CX had two bald tyres and probably failed its last MOT five or six years ago.

When their van arrived, I think for a moment that they thought I was going to help them - ha, ha. It was a rare old sight, I hope the dirt and oil they got on their clothes never came out. They soon gave up and said they would get a motorcycle cop to ride it back, I stifled a snigger; wait until he tries to start it!

At Vine Street cop shop I pointed out that few bike thieves, if any, would go to the bother of insuring a bike they just nicked as the insurance wouldn’t be valid. But the station sergeant had just found a packet of vitamins and was too busy checking for track marks on my arms. Then a motorcycle cop limped in, threw the keys to my bike on the desk and limped out. I was almost pissing myself with laughter. The Bill didn’t see the funny side and threw me in a cell. I was there for almost two hours before they’d traced the owners and released me.

The next day I took the bike to a dealer who discovered that the bike had dud spark plugs. New ones fitted, it started even when hot. But my leg was already in a bad way so I changed despatch companies to one with an office on a hill.

After my leg healed, the bike was completely reliable; together we settled down to making some respectable dosh. My wife liked the new bike and she found the pillion much more comfortable than the ER and loads more fun than the commuter train, so she consented to me taking her to work every day.

I liked the bike as well. It was endowed with vast amounts of torque, which was dead handy around town, there weren’t many could stay with it in the traffic light GP. Its first motorway trip showed up a fault - vibration. I could not get the speedo past 80mph for the simple reason that the grip was shaken out of my hand and the throttle shut itself off no matter how hard I tried to hold it open. It was unbelievable. When I returned home, I lifted the tank to reveal that a bolt had broken that was supposed to attach the head to the frame. When this was replaced the vibes were reduced to normal pile driver levels.

In April I had an argument with the boss’s brother-in-law and he fired me. I was glad to get off with just a sacking as this guy was a tad on the vicious side and had some nasty habits, as well as stacks of gold jewellery around his neck. My new job was on an out of town circuit. I was clocking up a lot of miles, and it was expensive. The bloody thing could eat a back tyre and a chain every month. Sometimes I would have to adjust the chain twice a day.


One night, coming back from Coventry, the handling went. It was the front wheel bearings, in the pouring rain I had to keep above 60mph to avoid being swamped by the bow waves from the juggernauts. I was a wreck. by the time I reached home, I kept expecting the bearing to collapse and jam the wheel.

The next day, on the way to buy some new bearings, I met a mate on a Z500. We both pulled up at some lights, in the ensuing GP start I completely forgot about the sorry state of the bearings. I easily stomped his Z500, but I then had to negotiate a bend on an elevated section of the A40. Life was very interesting for a short period of time and I discovered a most effective cure for constipation.

The next couple of months were good fun, the only thing to break was the kickstart, lucky in a way, as I was able to replace it with one from a breakers that was a couple of inches longer, making it easier to kick into life.

One day, I was in Manchester and hung around the office there hoping a return parcel would turn up. It didn’t, so I had to roar back down to London at maximum speed. It took only three and a half hours, the speedo hitting 105mph for most of the way. It took another three hours for my ears to stop ringing. I decided to change companies again as there wasn’t much money left after I’d taken into account wear of consumables. I had some good rides though.


Not long after that I sold the twin for £350. I was sorry to see it go. The only times it’d let me down were when the clutch cable had broken and when the clutch mechanism had chafed through the alternator wires, short circuited and set fire to a small area of the bike - it looked a lot more serious than it was as the fire was confined to where the grease had built up around the engine sprocket.


The bike had Boyer ignition so I never has to mess with the timing. When I bought it there were 38000 miles on the clock and I’d added another 16000 to that. It needed yet another rear tyre as well as a battery and shocks when I sold it, so I made a bit of a profit out of it.


I was very pleased with it, because it only cost £50 I caned it everywhere and it never complained. Its worst point was its weight, which made the handling pretty horrible when it was pushed hard and pretty dubious when just motoring around town.But having said that, it still remains one of the few bikes that I never actually fell off!


Max Liberson

 

Sunday 14 February 2021

Kawasaki Z440

The year was 1990, and I was entering my first year at University. By way of celebration, I decided that I deserved a better ride than the execrable Suzuki A100 I had been smoking (literally) around on. My choice of steed would be limited by the fact that I did not possess a full licence, though, so when I happened across a Kawasaki Z440 twin harnessed to a Squire sidecar for sale I leapt in with both feet. 

The vendor wanted £550 for the scabby, nine year old outfit. He pointed to the gleaming new MOT certificate; I gestured in the direction of the rust, bald tyres (with a new MOT... hmmm) and general decrepitude and offered £250, eventually riding away after £300 had changed hands. 

First impressions were good... after the A100 the acceleration, braking and lighting seemed akin to that of a jet fighter. A bit of practice in a nearby car park saw me something like used to having the chair hanging off the left hand side, and the machine duly entered service. 

The tyres were replaced with a Swallow (front) and a delightful square-section Avon (rear) obtained from the breakers for £8. Not long after this, the lights all failed. This was quickly traced back to the alarm, which had been installed under the seat; the numpty who fitted this device clearly had no recourse to either crimping tool or soldering iron, employing tape and Botchloks instead. The likelihood of anyone stealing this nail was slim at best, so the alarm was duly excised. The brake master cylinder was full of what appeared to be cold tea... this was changed for fresh DOT4, rewarding me with a much improved front brake.

The Z rattled along pretty agreeably most of the time. The original exhaust had long since rusted through, and a Piper 2-1 had been fitted in it's place, This sounded good, and didn't affect the carburation at all. Fuel economy wasn't bad at 50mpg, and the motor used very little oil. It's hard to gauge consumable wear as most of these items were shagged out when I got the bike.

As well as commuting to Uni, I had fallen in with a local bike club, and started attending rallies. The music - relentless heavy metal - really wasn't to my taste, but the beer and the girls were! On my way to one of these I had my first coming together. We were riding down a wet shale track towards the camp site when the bike in front of me braked suddenly. I reciprocated, causing the outfit to drift sideways. The end result of this was my becoming acquainted with a dry stone wall. Apart from cleaving off the right hand indicator all was OK, but this didn't stop me from hauling one of the cans of beer from the chair and draining it in three gulps!

I could also be relied upon to forget that the chair was there on occasion... turning left once I strayed too close to a parked Nissan and took the other indicator off on its rear corner. After checking to see that no-one had witnessed this, I fucked off with all due haste. Another, rather more dangerous, miscalculation on my part resulted in clipping the kerb with the chair wheel on leaving a roundabout. In a second the aforementioned wheel was up around my ear and I was fighting to get it back down again, while on the wrong side of the road. I have no idea how, but get it back down I did, seconds before passing a parked cop car. I had two counts upon which to be grateful that day!

Amazingly, the little Kawa presented no more problems in the time I had it, save for when some scrote stole my plug caps. My first year over, I spent the summer camping in Cornwall and sofa-surfing with various mates dotted around the country. Unfortunately, all good things must come to an end...

The MOT expired. I surveyed the plot, with a view to assessing the odds of it getting another one - fat chance. Tyres, wheel bearings, swingarm bearings, chain and sprockets, brake pads, fork seals and rear shocks were all knackered. It would have cost as much as I'd paid for it to remedy all this and, coupled with the fact that I'd secured a placement job for the following year in Germany, I decided that the best course of action was to get rid.

Word quickly got around, and one of my mates offered me £150 for the chair, which I cheerfully accepted. I advertised the bike as spares or repair for £200 and, incredibly, the second chap to see it offered £150, meaning I'd had a year's motorcycling fun and frolics pretty much for free, which is fine by me! When I got back from Germany twelve months later, the Kawa was still sitting in the garden of the bloke I sold it to (it's probably still there now). I passed my test and bought a Honda Pacific Coast but that, as they say, is another story.

A Rider


Wednesday 10 February 2021

Kawasaki GPz1100

September ’86 was coming to a close and I'd decided to buy another bike. Looking at the bike scene through rose coloured specs there was just one bike I wanted. After tuning a Z650 Kwack for some years, and hindered by a limited budget, it had to be one of the early Kawasaki GPz1100s. Finding one was the only problem, so I placed an ad in the local paper. Two weeks passed before there was any response.

As you all doubtless know, the GPz was introduced in 1981. Kawasaki, with their reputation for bullet-proof motors had, in many ways, redesigned their Z1000. As well as a restyle they claimed a mighty 108hp at 8500rpm, nearly 140mph and standing quarters of just over eleven seconds. The GPz had enlarged bore, larger valves, wilder cams, high dome pistons, lightened crank, oil cooler, a partridge in a pear tree and various odds and ends. Back then, it was the business.

Coming home from work one wet night to find the phone ringing, some chap with a GPz for sale, £1200. Three sleepless nights later the weekend arrived and I went to see the bike. On inspection, the GPz was immaculate despite being almost six years old. It had a Lawson seat and endurance four into one - it sounded as good as it looked; I was hooked. Perhaps, if I could have foreseen the future trials of ownership my enthusiasm might not have been so great.

First impressions were its mass (650Ibs), smooth drive train, spongy, soggy brakes, low speed heaviness and vibration through the bars. As we were in the middle of a housing estate, I couldn't really goose it, but all seemed fine on the test ride. I returned and paid the man his money (he wouldn't haggle).

The 40 mile ride home was quite interesting. Out onto the main road, not much traffic (amazing), see what it can do. Up to five grand, this is no highly tuned monster growling for revs. The fuel injection and electronic ignition make it perfectly civilized - tractable even docile, However, as you wind it on, the power floods in, the surge can only be described as hyper space rapid but not violent; in a word, controllable.

Top gear roll-ons from as little as 25mph are no problem, just open the throttle and go, with instant take up from all throttle openings. The bike ran up to an indicated... cough, cough, morning officer... until I thought better of it (yes, that is a good way to say that I bottled out, better get used to it first, I figured).

Handling was a very serious brown trouser affair, thanks to the strange combination of tyre sizes and makes (3.25x19 Continental front, 4.25x18 Goodyear rear). The handling suddenly became very nasty, like riding over a bag of eels. Careful examination revealed a puncture. Not a good start. Pumped it up at the next station and continued home, only to take a bend on the wrong line trying to avoid a pyramid worth of horsey Richards The Thirds. Inspired by a rapidly approaching large stone wall with spikes, I soon found out that it could be well leaned over and was quite manoeuvrable for such a large piece of iron.


Back home the bike was given the once over, new pads fitted, oil changed and the puncture repaired. The exhaust system meant the centre stand had been thrown away, so I bought a paddock stand - ever tried putting 550lbs onto one of these on your own? You have to pull on the grabrail while kicking the stand into position. Great fun. General servicing is straightforward, as per most big Kawasakis.


Things to watch for are weak caliper bolts, rusting around the tank badges, electrics and bearings in the swinging arm and steering head (mine were good, needle and taper rollers, respectively). Front fork seals go at an alarming rate. The bike was treated to new tyres, I should have preferred Metzelers but couldn't afford them, so Dunlops were shoved on. They were quite good and lasted for 6000 miles.


With decent tyres, handling was OK in most conditions. The GPz was used for commuting to work and general pleasure trips. With winter coming up, I figured things could turn interesting. The large tank held 4.7 gallons and the bike did 36mpg hard ridden and went up to the mid forties under normal usage.


The fuel gauge was useless, registering full until it suddenly dived to empty. Both oil and filter were changed every 1500 miles. I still wasn’t happy with the brakes, so new master cylinder piston and seals were fitted and the fluid bled. The bike already had stainless steel hoses so it was the only thing I could try. It worked, firm brakes at last, almost made the four hours in a freezing garage on a November night worthwhile.


Up to 80mph the riding position was comfortable, beyond that the wind blast became very disconcerting. Also, at such speeds, the vibes through the bars were bad enough to make my throttle hand numb after 30 miles. The bike was used a lot two-up, my fiancee finding it very comfortable, thanks to the seat and the effectiveness of the Koni rear shocks. Once under power, handling was no real problem and it felt quite safe in the wet.


As a workhorse, the bike was treated to cans of WD40 and Duckoil every third day around the engine and electrics - with winter approaching I didn't want it rotting away too quickly.


The box of tricks (computer) is hidden away in the tail unit. Replacing the rubbers that fix it to the bike is quite important as they tend to wear away, allowing the vibes to attack the computer. Am I the only owner paranoid over computer failure? Lifting off the seat reveals an Aladdin's cave of nightmares.The air flow meter is a heavy thing with a large multi pin plug under the seat, the air filter fixed on its back, the whole assembly pushed into the surge tank housing. A smear of Vaseline or grease should be applied to the male end of the meter for an air tight fit. Under this lives the usual 12V 16AH battery.


The next point of interest, children, is the throttle valve switch on the left hand injector. It has two lights, a green one comes on when the tickover mixture is correct, then goes off when the throttle is opened and a red light then comes on if everything's working properly. Although the engine looks very neat, hidden away there are any number of frighteningly complex parts needed to keep it running.

After several months a slight misfire occurred. The bike started as usual, but as soon as the throttle was opened it would stutter, fluff, bang and stop. The maddening thing about it was that one day it'd be fine, the next it'd stop every 100 yards. Going to the work in the winter, frosty, pouring with rain and stop-start, stop-start, was doing my temper no good at all.

I tried to check it over but there were, according to the manual, so many things that could go wrong fuel pressure, computer failure, throttle valves, air flow meter, wonky ignition - the list would fill two toilet rolls and I needed 16 A-levels, a slide rule, calculator and a box of headache tablets.

I had a friend who owned a GPz550, we had a fiddle. Two heads are better than one, besides he had brought the beer over. 11.30pm on a freezing evening we changed over the earthing strap, cleaned various electrical connectors and the fuses. The bike started and ran perfectly...


Next day, Saturday loomed sunny, clear and very cold. My dad came over to the garage to tinker with his Triumph 650. I wheeled the GPz out, fuel tap on, ignition on, idle lever fully forward, stabbed the start button and she warmed up to a fast idle as I sat on the beast and beamed at my dad. You're on fire, he bellowed, looking down where my crotch was obscured by plumes of smoke curling up between the seat and tank joint.


I stopped the motor and the fumes died a death. I leapt off the bike onto the grass, my jeans looked like they had been shot by Davy Crockett’s musket. My dad had a funny grin on his face. The fire was caused by my so-called mate removing the fuse box and replacing it so that when there was any weight on the non standard seat it squashed the lot and shorted everything out.


The bike still remained troublesome so it was dealer time. £70 later, no fault found. Riding home I was nearly crunched when the motor cut out halfway around a roundabout. It took two hours to do 15 miles. Next day the bike ran perfectly. On the way back from work, as I hit 6500rpm, accelerating hard, the motor coughs and dies. I tried to catch the motor as I change down through the box; it finally catches on full throttle in first, the revs soar round to the redline. The force cranked my head back so far I swear it hit the grab rail, we shot off across the road to stop dead 20 yards later. God it put the wind up me and my work mates were rolling about in the road laughing.


With mounting desperation I tried another Kawasaki dealer (Heathfield Motorcycles). One used air flow meter later (£20 as opposed to £130 new) the bike was back on the road and better than ever before. I'd owned the bike for two years and liked it but found the complexity of it too much. I sold it for £1200 and had 48 calls.

Kim Lester

BSA C15

Having spent several months as the butt of some very predictable piss taking from my fellow local bikers I decided it was time for me and the CZ125 to go our separate ways. It was my first bike, bought in total ignorance of the heap and nasty rep enjoyed by the bulk of Iron Curtain machinery, simply because it was the only bike I could afford and was desperate to get on the road. I was hooked on biking and, say what you will about East European bikes, my little CZ had opened up a whole new life style. But its main bearings were on the way out. I didn’t want a two stroke, I’d seen too many of them thrashed, suffering from erratic power delivery, dubious handling and constant re-bores hat seemed to typify the oil burners of the era. I fancied an A65 but knew my limitations as a mechanic and couldn’t afford a Bonnie or Honda 400/4.

A workmate had an old BSA C15 and we both went looking for a bigger machine. We spent hours checking out bike shops and answering adverts. I liked his bike and borrowed it several times - no good as a tourer but as a commuter with the potential for the occasional long journey the machine seemed perfect. One day I went to see an ex-police Triumph owned by some ape of a Grizzly Adams type greaser. The thing was a wreck but my eyes wandered towards a bog standard 1967 BSA C15 propped carelessly at the back of the garage. I paid £140 for it, which was a lot in those days for an old 250cc Brit, but it was in good nick with a genuine low mileage of only 9000 on the clock.


I'd intended to run the Beezer about until a suitable big bike came to light, one properly equipped for two-up riding and regular long runs, Trouble was, the more I rode the 250 the more I became addicted to it. I’d ride for the hell of it, any time of day or night, any weather. I was becoming a junkie for the predictable, easygoing nature of the little four stroke single. I thrived on speeding around the newly opened one-way system, convinced that the horrified disgusted looks I received from the street shoppers I was terrorising were glances of adulation. God, what a wally!


Handling was predictable and perfectly matched chunky power delivery. I could scrape the centre stand on any corner - this became my trade mark at night - I could not only roar around attracting the attention of my fellow bikers and sundry pub throw-outs, but I could also treat them to a spectacular light show when the stand grated on the tarmac, throwing up showers of sparks. Okay, fellow C15 owners weren't fooled, as they knew the centre stand spring was rather lax allowing the contraption to dangle dangerously beneath the sump. Seriously, the handling was good enough to allow removal of copious amounts of rubber from the tips of the foot pegs.

Rear tyres were a problem as try as I might to wear the sides down they always ended up square in cross-section which did have a nasty effect on stability. Mind you, when a new tyre was fitted it was an event for celebration by the application of mucho throttle and a bit of urban speedwaying. How I was never busted I'll never know. The law was still on Commandos then, so when I was pulled for the so-called spot checks instead of pulling my plug the gavvers would chat for ages about the merits of modern bikes versus the old ones. They’d let me off most things, like no brake lights, inoperative speedo and no full beam - full beam did work but its power consumption drained the battery. Once, a couple of bike cops even gave me a bump start, saying, don’t worry about lights just get home. Don’t get coppers like that nowadays.

The bike was suffering from some mechanical malaise (surprise, surprise) which manifested itself in a spectacular fashion one night. A pal and I had ditched the women for the night, setting out for a pub in the sticks and a game of darts and a beer or two. My machine started playing up so we turned back to my mate’s house as it was nearest. We doubled up on his Yamaha YCS3 - a wickedly unreliable little 200cc cat and went to the pub. Back at his house, I decided to nurse the BSA home and he followed on his Yam. Dad’s car was in the drive, the garage door open, straight in and turn the engine off. I looked back at Tony, expecting him to have followed but he was sitting on his bike a look of pure horror on his face. I became aware of an acrid burning smell, smoke was erupting all around me.


Shit, the bike was on fire - like, real flames from under the seat. The bike could have gone up in a big way as the fuel line was right in the firing line. I ripped off a side panel as fast as I could luckily, it was only secured by two large headed screws that required nothing more special that a coin to remove them. In typical bodging fashion I'd padded the battery into place by stuffing rags around it as the original wire holder had corroded through. Sure enough, there must have been a short at the battery and the oil laden rags had provided the perfect breeding ground for the flames. The bike was saved at the cost of a few melted wires.

It didn’t take long under the charm of the C15 before the urge to own a superbike disappeared, along with my girlfriend. I don’t blame her, on the few occasions I bothered to take her out she ended up with a sore bum (no, I wasn’t doing it wrong you dirty minded devils) as at anything over 55mph the pillion rider did suffer, although I never felt it - blinded by love for the beasty I suppose. I was no longer the clean young lad on the harmless little CZ that she'd originally fallen for. I was a scruffy 19 year old on a noisy, untrendy little sixties cast off. She didn’t mind the fact that my hair was actually some six inches longer than hers or that I virtually slept in my acid wrecked jeans and oily denim jacket. What upset her was that she’d been relegated to second place, and a very poor second at that. I barely noticed her slip from my life so besotted was I with my beloved C15.

Then one day, tragedy. A dickhead in an A40 pulled out in front of me. The BSA’s meagre front stopper worked overtime, the rear one locked up but to no avail. Over the top of the car I went, followed, according to witnesses, by the bike. Christ, I was lucky - a badly bruised thigh was my only injury but I’m afraid my steed was a goner with bent frame, forks curved back to wrap the front wheel around the frame down tubes. I cried in front of everyone, I swore, but tears, anger and frustration were too basic an emotion to properly give vent to my feelings. Small change that the A40 was as dead as my own vehicle. This could have been the end of the story but it’s not.

My bike was transported to a local dealer to await the insurance assessment. In the meantime, I managed to locate a frame and forks from a long defunct C15 trials bike. The friendly dealer offered to store the wreck until the insurance claim was settled, whereupon he would charge them a huge sum for storing it, causing them to tell him to keep it. It worked, I had the bike and the claim money. Months of spanner work resulted in my denim jacket becoming even more oil stained and myself gaining the reputation of a hermit as I spent every spare moment in my dads garage.

Eventually she was ready. Resplendent in her new metal flake green livery, Starfire headlamp and sporty alloy mudguards. First trip out I was pulled by the law (they were on Honda 200s and a little less sympathetic towards scruffy youngsters on Brit metal than the Norton boys). They wondered why I was going so slow - running in, I said, plus slippery roads and a new full face helmet I wasn’t used to (soon chucked in favour of my old open face job). The law followed me all the way to the pub and back home again after a pint, but didn’t stop me - just as well, as in my haste to try her out I hadn't insured or taxed the bike.

Just to show there were no hard feelings I even attended a bikers evening organised by the local Bill. I was awarded a prize for the best maintained machine despite having one side pane; missing since the accident. I shyly went up to collect the prize - a pair of gloves - to a chorus of police brutality from my fellow yobs which made me glow even more scarlet.


The C15 was by no means the sort of machine that could be simply ridden around with no thought given to maintenance between oil changes. Every Saturday morning it received the sort of attention usually reserved for a champion racehorse. First, the bike was washed gently, then just about every nut and bolt was checked, essential if the disappearance of essential components was to be avoided, chains, tappets, tyre pressures, oil levels - you name it - was probed, prodded and dealt with. Assuming all was well, out would come the wax polish and chrome cleaner. Then it was down to the town for a bit of posing and socialising with whoever else had recovered from their Friday night hangovers.


Trouble was, I was fast left out of the posing game no matter how dementedly I thrashed round corners or how much I tried to appear coo by sedately cruising past teenage girls, blipping the throttle as I changed down a gear or two, prior to a noisy drag start along the one way system. Everyone I knew was buying bigger bikes. OK, so many of the things they straddled were, as far as I was concerned, either fast, flashy and unreliable (Yam 350s) or sluggish, bland and unreliable (Suzuki GT380s).


None of my mates could afford one of the superbikes of the time and plenty of envious heads would turn when Z1 Kawasaki or Triumph Trident (we knew no better then, of course) blasted past. About this time a guy, who I immediately labelled a bit of a prat, kept hassling me to sell him my trusty steed. He even found out where I lived and pounced upon me with boring regularity, seemingly every time I put my head out of the door. Well, I took a deep breath and flogged the bike to him, knowing deep down that it wasn’t going to a kind and loving home. I briefed him on the starting technique - turn on the petrol, depress the tickler on the crude Amal until petrol floods out, eighth throttle and a gentle swing (maybe two on a bad day) on the kickstart and bruuuuum.


Having made the break, next step was to find a bigger bike that suited my slightly eccentric needs - satisfied by the arrival of a ratty Triumph Daytona with a heart of gold but a shoddy, bodged up body. Not a superbike or mega machine but, with a few weeks cosmetic work and attention, I had a real bitch of a stylish ride and enough performance for my needs. Paint job, high bars, chrome guards and flashy, short mufflers snaking up like twin cobras to spit their crackly venom from beneath the pillion’s rider left thigh. The stuff dreams are made of, unless you happen to be a total Anglophobe or cafe racer,


The Daytona had long gone, replaced by a boring family car and marriage when I heard that my young brother-in-law had just bought a C15. I guess that biking never dies within one but slumbers dormant deep in the vitals - a bit like malaria awaiting to erupt - my heart leapt and I was around his place like a whippet. Guess what? Yep, it was my old Beezer, looking a bit sad but intact and running. Apparently, the gibbon I'd sold it to had never had much luck with it. Couldn’t start it very well and certainly couldn’t keep it running. Eventually, he bounced it up a high kerb, buckling the front wheel and never rode it again. My brother-in-law made a brave attempt at doing the bike up but was never over the moon due to a recurring electrical fault.


He sold it to me for an exorbitant amount and I proceeded to spend even more cash on a complete 12V conversion. A wiring loom from a later Starfire model served perfectly well despite the fact that there were a few extra connectors left over, thanks to that machine’s extra electrical components. A red respray, new wheel rims, flat bars, new small end bush and I was away. She was a real eye-catcher, classic lines, good lights and totally reliable. Purists might argue that I should have restored the bike to its original condition but, to be honest, I think that had all C15s looked like mine then the rather awkward styling of the Starfire and Barracuda would never have been introduced in 1967. I think there was a sort of factory produced mongrel between the two in the form of the Fleetstar - created, no doubt, to use up the last of the C15 parts following the demise of its nine year production run,

For the technically minded, assuming anyone’s interested, the C15 was BSA’s first unit engine machine, a single cylinder four stroke with a claimed top speed of 70mph and up to 100mpg. The latter figure was certainly attainable under running in conditions, 45mph cruising and gentle acceleration, whilst the claimed top speed could actually be bettered, under favourable conditions, such as a steep hill or strong following wind, by 5 or 10mph. A Sports version was available, capable of a claimed 80mph and blowing up very quickly.

A particular problem of many old singles is big end collapse and the C15 was no exception, but my bike, being one of the later ones, was fitted with a stronger bottom end that didn’t suffer so badly from this trait. It withstood a frightful combination of high speed drag starts and, in later days, daily commuting of 30 miles a day. Whereas the later BSA 250s oozed a sort of macho cobbyness or boasted pseudo trials styling, the C15 emanated a sort of violence towards its owner, repaying care with reliability and abuse with equal reliability until followed by swift retribution.

Lifestyles change, and my bike eventually ended up in the garden shed, well greased and covered by a dust sheet. It hurt not to see her in use every day and every time I fetched a spade or hammer from the tool rack I would run my hand over the chrome flanked tank or even, if I knew I was unobserved, straddle the hibernating metalwork.

The bike went to a good home. I sold it to a brash young hippy, someone who I know will appreciate her easy to live with ways, an eccentric in a bland world. He reminded me of myself all those years ago.


Kev