l have ridden a great many motorcycles, but few impress me much beyond that which is part of the motorcycle experience and can be gained almost as well from a BSA Beagle as a ZZR1100. Thinking of replacing my current machine, a fairly modern middleweight with an adequate power output and reasonable lack of mass, I am caught between the delights of an outrageous power to weight ratio and the need, as a past engineer, for a modicum of practicality.
It may come as no surprise that to acquire either of these, god forbid that one machine was on offer with all these qualities, it is necessary to modify an existing piece of hardware rather than rushing out and buying what a bunch of dissolute marketing morons tell me I should purchase.
My favourite scenario, at the moment, is to buy a nearly new GSXR750, one with the upside down forks. Yes, a nasty race replica with triple discs and monoshock suspension but one that can quickly be converted to a more useful Spec.
The dreadful fairing could be pulled off and sold to some spotty adolescent who had fallen off in an excess of youthful spirits and lack of riding technique. The painful clip-ons, mounted ridiculously close to the wheel spindle, replaced with proper handlebars, that would offer less of a stretch over the large tank, after making, up some suitable clamps. The footrests relocated further forward and a tad lower to suit, hopefully eliminating some of the excess bracketry Suzuki deemed necessary to affix the current pegs. And a headlamp attached to the forks would complete the transformation.
Having removed all the plastic crap. I would be left with a bike that weighs less than 400lbs, produces an outrageous amount of horsepower, handles well and looks incredibly butch. It would, of course, still be a tyre churning, chain crunching, fuel burning pain in the wallet but it would be a hell of a lot of fun and my mileage is not so high these days that such excessive consumption would be that prohibitive.
Actually being able to ride around town without injuring my back would be a major benefit, the improved power to weight ratio would doubtless allow an engine sprocket several teeth larger than stock, aiding chain life. Hopefully, it would have all the versatility of one of the boring 550s with the stomach churning accelerative abilities of a rocketship. It would also be different enough to stand out from the plastic hordes.
Why on earth Suzuki or Yamaha don’t do something similar to their race replicas I can not think. Both the GSXR and FZR look infinitely better once the plastic is stripped off and they have had a few bits and pieces tidied up to suit. if the Japs want to get back on the UJM bandwagon what they need to do is make sensible mods to their race reps and not churn out bikes that are heavier and more ponderous. Shame on Honda with their new 750 UJM and Kawasaki with their Zephyrs, there's no excuse for producing these type of machines with a mere surface nod to practicality. They should have been much lighter, equipped with single carbs et al. Maybe one day they will get it right, but I doubt it.
The other option is to go for the Yamaha RXZ school of thought, where less means more. The name of the game being to knock up something that weighs around 250lbs and knocks out 30hp, the result being just as much fun and a lot less expense. My favourite candidate for this kind of trickery is not some smelly two stroke, but the Yamaha XT350. l have little time for trail bikes but the Yamaha possesses a gem of a DOHC single cylinder engine that is both tough and efficient (despite a gear driven balance shaft), and a strong but light tubular frame.
The styling is a total mess and all the cycle parts would have to be dumped. I quite fancy a huge alloy tank to further enhance the economy. The forks and shock would have to be modified to cut down on the excessive amount of suspension travel, in turn producing a lower machine.
The temptation would be high to throw the whole front end away and install something off an old Brit with a nice TLS drum and taut suspension doing the business. Admittedly, there is no way that the monoshock could be easily dumped short of replacing the frame, and, indeed, the alternative scenario would be merely to buy an engine and electrics, installing the motor in a suitable chassis such as a Morini 350 or BSA B25 Starfire.
However, the Yam monoshock is not particularly prone to an early demise, and an initial strip down to pack it full of high quality grease should ensure reasonable life. The art would be to produce a sort of four stroke MZ with much better economy, but still retain enough raunchiness to make life interesting. 100mph and 100mpg would not, I suspect, be too far off the mark. At least with the XT based machine everything would be very simple, modifications easy enough to make and servicing a cinch.
Anyone looking for Brit bike simplicity (a rather careless phrase given the engineering horrors of some these machines) and versatility could do a lot worse than cast a bleary eye over the current trail bike marketplace where Suzuki, Honda and Yamaha are all knocking out some useful air-cooled four strokes.
Again, why on earth none of these people can be bothered to produce a road going 350 based around the same engine and frame I don't know. They could even keep the long travel suspension given the dreadful state of the roads... all they’d need is a new tank/seat unit if they were really desperate to save development costs. And, no, we ain’t talking GN or SR here, that's the same kind of blandness as the UJM.
In the end I’ll probably decide that it's too much hassle to go either of these routes, knock out a bit more power with an aftermarket exhaust for my current mount, lose a few pounds off the mass and content myself with trying to fit an RS fairing (and, no, that doesn’t mean it's a BMW) so that I can ride around with warm hands in the winter.
Bill Fowler