Looping the loop on a nearly new BMW R100GS is not much fun, especially when the machine lands on top of you, pining you to the ground miles away from civilisation and help. I had learnt the hard way that my 1989 GS was not an ideal trail bike. With huge effort I pitched the machine off my chest, the once pristine motorcycle tumbling down a ten foot drop which I had only narrowly avoided pitching us into seconds before.
Jesus, my chest hurt like I'd just been run over by an artic, but I staggered into a sort of standing crouch and skidded down into the ditch. I pulled the BMW into an upright position, pressed the starter and found that lovely, reassuring growl there in an instant. My spirits rose, all I had to do was clamber aboard and slither along the ditch and up a small incline back on to the main track. The gear lever was bent into a magnificent piece of sculpture but with a rude stamp I was able to engage first gear.
Sweat was pouring off me despite the coldness of the day. My whole body ached from the bashing it had received. In a half demented state I made it out of the mountains on to proper tarmac roads and a fifty mile blitz to the nearest hospital. I collapsed outside casualty but there was nothing serious, just shock and some bruised ribs. I managed to ride the bike the twenty miles home.
The next day I viewed my four grands worth of Teutonic engineering. Large dents were evident in the petrol tank and exhaust box, bits of GRP were scraped mightily and even the handlebars were bent. Nothing that serious, it appeared that my body had saved the machine from the worst of the damage.
Thereafter, usage of the Beemer was strictly limited to proper roads. The first problem encountered was the seat height, 34" isn't brilliant when you're only 5'6” - I had some boots made up which increased my height by two inches and ensured I had a fighting chance of staying upright. The second impression was that the bike did not feel very top heavy despite the seat height - the boxer engine layout aids a low centre of gravity which feeds through to the rider in a beautifully assured, neutral stance at lower speeds.
The gearbox wasn’t as bad as I'd expected and BMW's single sided swinging arm appeared not to exhibit the nasty lurching tendencies usually associated with Teutonic wonder meat. You had to do really stupid down changes in corners to get the back end to toss about more than an inch or so. The trail tyres in the wet, though, could catch you out if very careful selections of gear ratios and revs were not maintained. The tyres only lasted about 5000 miles either end and I switched over to pure road tyres which did about twice that mileage.
The tubular trellis dates back to the fifties and works well with the moderate GS speeds, around 115mph top whack but able to cruise at the ton for as long as you can hold on to the trail bars and hide behind the skimpy handlebar fairing. About ten minutes in my case. The mirrors blurred at most revs making it a foolish exercise to speed because just a vague hint of a white car coming up behind caused panic braking.
Effective cruising was thus limited to around 75mph, which was licence enduring if not a whole bundle of fun. Stability was fine with none of the weaves that blight the pure road boxers, although why that should be beats me. Vibes from the gargantuan pistons were present at most revs, but the buzz wasn't as irritating as many a frenzied four cylinder bike, although the omnipresent low speed engine shuffle due to out of line pistons in the horizontally opposed twin was a bit naff until you got used to it. Petrol was pulled through the engine at an horrendous, 35-40mpg rate, which meant you had to start looking for a garage after 150 miles of riding - which was OK as by then the seat was turning hard and my muscles were becoming fed up with the wind induced pounding. An RS fairing would have been the obvious solution to the need to cruise at high speeds but I couldn’t afford one.
Even ridden moderately, the BMW could not better 45mpg, which just shows how badly the design needs a rethink, its most ancient layout unable to efficiently cope with ever stricter emission regulations. BMW have had a new, watercooled, double knocker boxer on the drawing board for a long time and it may soon make an appearance. There are mods to carbs, exhaust and airbox that liberate better economy whilst maintaining, even improving, performance, but I never got around to doing them.
Dumping the engine in fourth or fifth can be a ball, because there is enough torque at low revs to allow the engine to pull away rapidly. A classic example of power delivery from a large twin, although it has been refined by both the Japanese and Italians (TDM850, SS900) into a greater excess of torque, power and economy.
The TDM, for instance, will burn away from the boxer in any kind of contest. Interesting how modern technology has turned full circle, the vertical twin, for all its virtues, faced extinction in larger capacities because of its vibration but nowadays it's the slow, vibratory boxer that is nearer the end of the line.
My one year old example only had 5000 miles on the clock but 2000 miles later the clutch started to slip. Enquiries revealed that the BMW had been clocked, had in fact done 45000 miles in the hands of a DR, been crashed and then reintroduced to the world with a filled, rubbed down and sprayed brightly new dollop of chassis components. The, er, person who sold me the GS had done a runner, leaving a pile of unpaid debts and a house mortgaged to about twice its worth - I know this because I arrived at the same time as the bailiffs!
The mechanic who stripped the engine to get at the clutch handed over a long list of faults which included bores down on compression, a dead timing chain and a generator that was only putting out half the proper power. I got away with six hundred notes worth of work and two weeks off the road.
Back in the saddle, over the next fourteen months, I did around 22000 miles with few major problems and came to really like the GS. One 2500 mile tour cemented our friendship, with every mile I found the sheer versatility and friendliness of the bike outweighed its many defects. I did have to have the exhausts welded in several places, as well as rusting through it had started to crack up! A bloody disgrace on such a young bike. The GS already had gaiters fitted but when I took a peek under them I found that the forks were pitted.
Cursing my ill luck, I tore them off and had them rechromed. While I was at it, I bunged in some HD springs because the front end had gone blancmange soft over the past two thousand miles. The single rear shock, though, was as good as new. I also had to replace the front wheel bearings which had lost their grease and were beginning to pit.
In the past month, the petrol tank split open and bunged about four gallons of fuel over a hot engine. I had to hastily pull over to the hard shoulder, as I was doing 80mph at the time. Whether this was due to the battering my inept trail riding had inflicted, some past indiscretion by the DR or merely age and vibes, | don‘t know. It was bloody frightening and I paid out a large wedge for a brand new tank just to be on the safe side.
Minor problems suddenly started to afflict the bike. Throttle and clutch cables snapped. Tyres and pads all wore out at the same moment. The headlamp went through a spate of blowing bulbs and the battery went flat a few times, although the mechanic could find nothing wrong with the electrics. The 5000 mile service became a bitch when I misthreaded one of the spark plugs...
The engine has also started to rumble ominously and vibes have increased to an eye blurring level. Undoubtedly, this one has led a hard life and looks like it may die an early death. Others have gone around the clock a few times. I have become so pissed off with the secondhand market, yet so enamoured of the GS, that I've decided to trade in my heap for a brand new one before something terminal happens.
Chris David