Here's a tale of fifteen motorcycles owned and ridden (aimed?) by yours truly for your gratiļ¬cation or otherwise. My motorcycling days began whilst I was still a young pup at school. I owned a brace of field bikes, ranging from Honda C50s to a CZ125 to a single cylinder 250AMF Haney. All quality stuff. The Harley single was good fun until the rear wheel collapsed. It was eventually sold for about £45, about twice what it was worth.
Eventually, I progressed to the tender age of 17 and the open road. Enter my newly acquired Yamaha SR250 Custom. It leaked oil from every gasket and bolt, had a top speed of around 70mph and more rattles than a Millwall supporter, but it always started and never let me down. Eventually. the oil leaks and engine rattles became so intolerable that it had to go. Sold to a mate for £300, it seized solid a fortnight later!
My £300 bought me a Honda CB400T Dream. A nice clean 'un it was too. No oil leaks nor rattles. A nice shiny 2—1 Motad and no other mods. I had no hassles whatsoever. fuel and handling were good whilst the paint and chrome didn't fall off. Wherever I went I knew it would get there - eventually! My only complaint was a lack of go, for a 400 twin they are very gutless. On reflection this is probably the one bike I regret selling.
The replacement was an R reg Honda CB750F1. The most unreliable bastard I have ever had the misfortune of coming across. I spent more time pushing the fucking thing than riding it. Full fairing, Lazer exhaust, electronic ignition and K&N filters, all of which I had trouble with. It looked good in Rothmans Honda colours but in all honesty it was a nasty piece of crap. Completely refused to run properly in the rain, down to a combination of botched wiring, damp filters and a bad design by Honda.
I’ve heard a lot of horror stories concerning old CB750F Hondas that won’t run in the rain. lt's probably a good job, because braking in the wet is exciting, to say the least. They don‘t like being braked in corners either, wet or dry. After a week, the black box packed up without warning. Luckily, I was only three miles from home. I'll never forget that push, the calipers were just looking for an excuse to seize up; this was their moment of glory.
l was totally knackered by the tlme I reached home, my biceps so enlarged that I could knock a bull out. The bike had Pirahna ignition and when I went to collect a new unit from their factory, they offered to repair the old one free of charge. Full marks!
The next thing to go was the pipe. I was on the motorway returning from a trip to London, one moment it was there, the next it wasn't. The can just fell off. Most amusing. To make matters worse some thoughtless bastard deliberately swerved and ran over it. If you reading this may you die screaming as a result of being injected with the shit of an AIDS victim. I pulled off at the Watford Gap service station and phoned the AA. They promptly turned up a full seven hours later, reckoned I held the record for the longest wait ever. I doubt it somehow.
On top of all this, it was a bad starter, burnt oil, the clutch slipped at high speeds, it rattled from both the cam and primary chains, the seat was awful and the front brake felt as though it was made from balsa wood. On the rare occasions when it did run properly it showed an indicated 125mph on the clock.
I became so pissed off with it in the end that I swapped it for a 250 Superdream and £200. The bloke who bought it wrote it off in St Helens on his way home. I have since owned yet another CB750F1 (more of that later) and I couldn't fault it! If you're going to buy one take it for a good jetwash if it isn’t raining before handing over your money. Make sure it runs OK in the wet, if it doesn't you won't cure it. The guy that you're buying it from couldn't and neither could the guy that he bought it from. Also, check for cam and primary chain rattles, smoky exhausts and hairline cracks in the coils.
The Superdream was hassle free, a revelation after the 750, but mind numbingly boring to ride. It was soon sold and replaced with a Suzuki GT250 that wasn’t much faster. Why Suzuki, in their wisdom, put the kickstart on the left side I will never know. I wrote the little Suzuki off whilst showing off pulling wheelies to impress the girlies. It impressed no-one, least of all my pillion who was thrown several yards down the road. I received a broken wrist and burnt my leg on an exceedingly hot exhaust pipe. The passenger grazed his ankle and walled like a banshee; what a wimp! The bike was totalled! But I got £250 for it, exactly what I had paid originally. I wouldn’t buy another, it had absolutely nothing going for it. Next, came another Superslug, again no problems but awfully slow.
Enter the Suzuki GS1000E. A good bike, everyone should have one once. I gave it loads of abuse, masses of neglect and it never let me down. Showed an indicated 135mph on the clock and would cruise at the ton for as long as I could hold on. The seat was brilliantly comfortable, handling and brakes dependable whilst the riding position was excellent. The GS was a pleasure to ride on long distance hauls. Only naff electrics spoilt an otherwise perfect picture. The wiring loom on mine eventually began to rot away, the rectifier/regular melted and it was sold for £650 in that state, which was £50 more than I’d paid for it. I would definitely buy another if the classic dickheads hadn‘t upped the price out of all proportion. l have known GS1000s sell for £1600 plus. How can that possibly be right when a GPz1100 goes for around £1400 and a GPx900R can be bought for £1800?
Speaking of GPZs, my GS was replaced by a GPz750. One of the early twin shock models with rear-sets, flat bars. box section swinging arm, bright yellow paint and a Marshall 4—1. The motor was quite a goer but the bike itself was downright dangerous. I‘ve ridden better handling hard-tail choppers. The Kawasaki looked brilliant, but I had to sell it because I knew that l was going to kill myself on it. The handling really was that bad. The only time I've ever been frightened of a motorcycle — and I’ve ridden some nails in my motorcycling days. Perhaps I bought a bad one, maybe it had been crashed, I don't know. If you’re buying one test ride it hard in the curves to make sure that it handles okay. On the plus side, the motor was brill.
Next came another CB750F1. I wouldn't have touched it but for the £275 price tag. The bike had Irish plates, hence the price. It was brought from the local hooligan and after a good dose of elbow grease polished up really well. Ran perfectly in the rain and would've taken me anywhere. However, it did smoke a little from the exhaust and the engine breather, but no rattles. A totally different kettle of fish to my previous one. An enormous rear sprocket allowed good acceleration at the expense of top speed. A good dependable bike, I sold it for around £400.
Next on the agenda came a dog Honda CX500 for well under £200, a bargain for sure. The whole bike was hand painted in the most gaudy household maroon gloss that l have seen whilst an exceedingly thick ooat of silver paint covered the engine. A real dog. Took me over a week to remove the paint, a fortune in paint stripper and left me with several septic knuckles. Underneath the paint the bike seemed in good nick, except for the swinging arm which had a large hole and was merrily rotting away. Worth checking as it wrecks the shaft drive. The motor was a good ‘un although handling wasn't A1.
Great for motorway work but not too keen in corners. I wouldn’t pay more than £300 for a good one and I wouldn‘t touch another bad one. Any top end hassles they may have had will probably have been cured by now; it it’s not rattling or smoking it’s probably a good one.
One way of going to an early grave is to ignore leaking fork seals. The CX dumped me on the tarmac on one occasion only, after which it was immediately sold. This occurred after dark whilst turning left off a main road and into a side street, two up. I had the bike banked over into the turn, with the pillion hanging off the seat and the extremely vague handling not helping when the thing refused to come back up. We hit the kerb hard. Then we hit the tarmac hard, removing most of the skin from my elbow and all of the skin from my passenger's knee-cap. The CX wasn't injured thanks to engine bars, essential items it you’re into riding an old hack!
Then came a Kawasaki KZ650C3. Similar to the GS1000, only slower. Handling was good, and the motor bulletproof in stock tune. It was let down by absolute crap electrics, a real pain when they start to go wrong. It went through a phase of blowing the main fuse every time I let the clutch out. I still don’t know why. The kill switch worked when it felt like it, as did the ignition switch. Electrics aside, though, it's a good reliable bike. Keep your eye on the oil level and avoid 4-1 Alpha pipes, they do nothing for the performance even if they sound good. Hard to find good ones at reasonable prices, these days, I sold mine for £600 and the new owner is still happy with it even if he's still fighting with the bloody electrics.
After selling the Z I did something very stupid, I paid £500 for an XS750. If you’re offered one of these, don’t touch it! They are slow, ill-handling, a quivering mess of an excuse for a motorcycle. You won't like it and it won't like you if you try to corner at normal speeds.
The exhaust and stands ground, it drifts wide even in slight bends, the shaft drive vibrates wildly, the suspension is way too soft, especially at the front, the gearbox was awful (as were the brakes even with Goodridge hose) and the seat was too narrow. Mine was supposed to be a good one!
The tank and panels looked like they had been resprayed with a bike pump. I rubbed it all down with a rough house brick and repainted it. The rest of the bike was in exceptionally good condition, the wiring had never been touched and the chrome was mint — obviously because it was so nasty no-one wanted to ride it! I wouldn’t entertain another one, no matter how nice it looked.
l swapped the XS for a Honda CBX550 with the usual rattly camchain. Apart from that it was a good one, looked dead neat and found the performance very good for such a small capacity engine. It would sing up to 100mph with ease. The XS would reluctantly manage 90mph and wanted to die a death in the taller gears. The CB didn't really start to move until you reached 6500rpm, but from there on it flew. I would have kept this bike had not a bastard stolen it and crashed hard into a lamp-post. The thief came off rather worse; he's still in hospital. I had no insurance, so I got nothing back except for my rather broken motorcycle.
As I wasn’t incredibly rich, I had to buy a basket-case. It's a CB550F in a CB500T frame with alloy tank, single seat, clip-ons, rear-sets, alloy wheels, mirror polished casings, etc. Can‘t say anything about it yet as its not on the road at the moment.
Well, that's only 14 bikes, I hear you say. The 15th was a GS550 bought from a breaker for £200. Leaked oil but ran reliably and had the usual electrics that only worked when they felt like it. l'd buy another just for the motor, as they are ultra-tough.
David Kerr