The motors, even the air-cooled ones, are a mess of disparate bits that makes you wonder what age their casting foundry is in, with various bits and bobs tacked on in an apparently random manner. Get a couple of yards away, the view's much improved. Yes, ninety degree V-twins have great power characteristics but Dukes are still finicky beasts at best and often downright nasty on the second hand circuit. Yes, they handle but the ergonomics are so superior on many Jap bikes that any mild deficiency in handling is exactly that - minor! New ones are no longer competitively priced and second hand bikes potentially too dodgy and therefore expensive to even think about. Won't stop me publishing articles that praise them to high heaven but don't expect me to join in the applause.
The same goes for Harleys. I love the way their motors look, sound and even perform, but the rest of the package, even in the mildest iteration of the Sportster, is so silly and impractical that I don't want to know. A Sportster engine in a Goodman chassis I might contemplate, though its shape brings forth painful reminiscences of a dreadful Triton I once owned and its inherent compromises mean that maximum advantage of the breed isn't exacted - as in low centre of gravity, narrowness and minimal overall mass. The Buells, whilst technically interesting, manage to diminish the sheer brutality of the Harley's engine. Beautiful babes, by the way, usually end up in Porsche passenger seats or hopping around on modern scooters.
Triumphs are a near miss. The modern Daytona and Speed Triple have brilliant motors, agile chassis, but I don't like the styling and are far too complex to really get into. No, I'd rather go for one of the old 900 Tridents, strip the bike right down to get the weight more reasonable and maybe play around with the styling. In their inability to see the obvious (as in mounting the swinging arm on the back of the engine) Triumph messed up big time, ending up with a stupidly complex frame and too much mass. Still, it's British, therefore worth a shot and they have a good reputation on the used circuit.
BMWs? A long time ago I almost bought an R100RS, just for its fairing because I was doing long distances during the winter. Great ergonomics and ease of maintenance their major plus points, but modern Boxers have lost the plot, far too heavy and still nasty beasts if you want to hustle through tight town traffic. If I was being sensible, I might go for an F650 thumper, save that I don't like the way it looks (not to be confused with the quality of its finish) and ultimately it's 50-100lbs overweight.
Hondas I always have a soft spot for, having started off on an old, spine frame, sixties CD175 (we will ignore the NSU Quickly as I certainly don't have any nostalgic memories of that hack). Of their modern bikes, though, only the CBR900 and 600 have any appeal. The former's still shod with a silly sixteen inch front wheel, so no thanks (which also turns me off the 600 Hornet). The CBR6 is almost there, it's just the high running and servicing costs that turn me off. The CB500S should appeal - I like vertical twins - but the styling is so horrible I really couldn't bring myself to purchase one, it also needs more power and less weight.
Yamaha make very tough motors but usually mess up the chassis. The R1's probably sublime in many ways but it doesn't quite gel, nor does it fit me very well. Dump the plastic, fit proper bars, I might go wild. The TDM and TRX 850s are burdened with a poorly designed motor and excessive mass but I could live with that - for a while. I quite like the 600 Diversion, save that it needs fifty percent more power. No pleasing some people.
Kawasakis have left me enraged ever since I discovered (after I bought one) that the GPz500 has a chain primary drive - talk about taking the piss! The styling of their replicas has always been a little out of joint, too fat around the front, despite the searing acceleration and improbable top speeds of their 600s and 900s. The only bike I really dig in their whole range, the KLX650!
Suzukis I admire for their general toughness and engineering finesse, but their styling peaked with the 550/650 Katanas and hasn't recovered since. OK, I've never been a great fan of replicas, but I've yet to see a GSXR that didn't look odd from more angles than it looked good...
I could go on and on but all this carping is purely academic in the new world of crashing new bike prices and disappearing second hand values. Dealers are refusing to take bikes in part-ex or buy them, other than for really silly, desperate money, which means even more bikes on the private used market, ever falling prices. Prices for most bikes now so low that many minor problems can be overcome with some of the dosh saved, the range of possible machinery expanding rapidly... just go and have some fun!
Bill Fowler