The joys of the Honda 90

It's 5.30 and all across the land people are leaving work... coats are pulled on, buses are run for, car doors are slammed... and ten million Honda 90s are kicked into frightening, neck-wrenching life. I exaggerate a little, of course. There aren't actually ten million Honda 90s in the country, although sometimes it feels like it. Travel at peak commuter times and it seems like every second vehicle is a C90 being ridden by a nice harmless person, in sensible coat and open face helmet.

I like Honda 90s, I admit it. I am not ashamed (although perhaps I ought to be). They're small, they're cute and most of all they're almost completely indestructible. Run them for miles on a thimbleful of dirty oil - no problem. Well, the one I bought had managed just such a feat while in the hands of the previous owner.

I paid £199 for it, which on reflection was a trifle dear, but there you go. At least it wasn't rusty. Took it home, cleaned it up and immediately started riding around the municipal car park in tiny circles until I could do it without actually falling off. Then went to my friendly local Training Scheme (where surprisingly I wasn't laughed at all that much) then took the old Part Two. Actually, I'm convinced that anyone who turns up for a test on a Honda 90 automatically passes - I mean you're obviously not a whizz kid, are you? Not if you can ride a midwife special around and get jeered at by kids, for goodness sake. And anyway I was wearing my fluorescent jacket.

The only time I've come off it (yet) was when I performed the ancient and celebrated trick of Locking The Wheels At Traffic Lights when I was young and inexperienced. It was so embarrassing, falling off in front of a great queue and grovelling around amongst the broken glass and dead dogs. And it was raining. That's one problem with C90s - the brakes aren't exactly anti-lock. More anti stop. But they're OK as long as you don't expect to stop too suddenly. Allowing about 500 yards will more or less bring you to a halt at the stop line.

As to petrol consumption, well, about 100mpg. Actually, huge mileages to the gallon can be a bit of a pain, because you become so used to it running for weeks and weeks on a tankful that you never actually believe it will run out. But believe me, it will, and always at the bottom of a steep hill, and always when it's raining. C90s are a lot heavier than they look.

I think the really good thing about them is that parts are so cheap - cables £1.50, tyres £12... and you can always find bits in your friendly local breakers. Play your cards right and you could get an entire brake assembly for a Mars bar and a bag of chips. Tax and insurance are cheap, too, and no wonder when you consider that the top speed, down a steep hill with the wind behind you, is around 50mph.

But, what the hell, they're only commuter machines and that's what they're best at. With all the stopping and starting and slow traffic, what's the point of having a fast 500? Buy a Honda 90 and you can experience the real pleasure of having a 300 ton juggernaut pressed against your bottom. And you don't have to worry about riding a Honda 90 in bad weather, either - they look so disgusting to start with that a little rust and road grime doesn't really make much difference. Ride ‘em through the winter slop, then strip 'em down and paint their little rusty underparts in the Spring. And when the good weather starts you can get back on your posh bike.

Speaking as an experienced commuter and zipper up of terrapins, I would recommend them to anyone (Honda 90s that is, not terrapins. Terrapins do not go very fast and anyway they go squit when you sit on them). Don't expect much performance from them, though, ‘cause they haven't got any but as a commuter machine, I firmly believe they are a major contribution to road safety, especially if you leave them at home and take the bus.

Christine Scorey